Second Best
by MyAlias
Summary: Sydney's back in L.A. after missing two years of her life. What's next? FINISHED!
1. The Safe House

Second Best  
  
Author's Note : I wrote this assuming everything that happened in the finale is reality,. I'm not necessarily sure that is true, but I have five months to write about my theories, so I'll start here.   
  
Also, a row of ********* means a time change, from present to past or vice versa.  
  
Thanks to : JESSICA!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own Alias or any of its characters. They all belong to J.J. Abrams, Bad Robot, ABC, etc.  
  
Second Best  
  
__________________________  
  
The last two years had been hell. There had not been a day that he hadn't wished he had just bled to death in the bathtub - that Vaughn had come back for Sydney just five minutes later.   
  
At least death would have spared him the misery that had become his life.   
  
But now, now that she's back, now that she is wrapped in his arms trying to understand what has happened, he has completely stopped feeling his pain and can only feel hers. All he can do is try to make this easier for her.  
***********  
Almost two years earlier  
He had known where he was even before he opened his eyes. He could hear the quiet, steady beeping of the monitors; he could smell the scent of various disinfectant sprays that was always present in hospital rooms. He could remember being stabbed, being prepared to die. And he could feel the presence of someone else in the room, waiting patiently for him to wake up.  
  
He was afraid to open his eyes, because the person sitting there would just confirm all the horrors that he already knew to be true. Francie was dead, and she probably had been for months. And for that same amount of time, his girlfriend has been a complete stranger.   
  
But at least when he opened his eyes it would be Sydney there to tell him all that had happened. It had to be Sydney. He remembered calling her and warning her. Sydney must have been the one who saved him from dying. She would be sitting there, probably crying. He imagined her telling him that she had been sitting there for hours - maybe days. Never leaving his side.   
  
But it wasn't Sydney. It was Marcus Dixon.   
  
Will swallowed hard, but he already knew. He could barely speak, yet he forced the word out. "Sydney?" he asked.  
  
Dixon didn't respond immediately, but Will could see that he was formulating an answer. He took a deep breath, shut his eyes, and slowly shook his head.  
  
That was the moment Will began wishing he hadn't survived.  
*****************  
  
Jack and Will had met Sydney at the airport earlier that day. When she got off the private, government jet and met them in the waiting room, Will could see that she was in shock. She wasn't crying, but her eyes looked empty.   
  
Sydney didn't say a word the entire car ride home. The back of the government car that her father drove was big, and she curled her legs up beside her and rested her head on Will's chest. He wanted to believe she was asleep, but he knew she was staring straight ahead of her, unable to rest. He couldn't imagine what was going on in her brain.   
  
When they made it to the safe house, she seemed weaker than she had been at the airport. He and Jack had to hold her up until they made it inside the little house and put her down in a bed. They both pulled up a chair.   
  
He didn't know what to expect. Was she going to speak, or was she waiting for them to speak? Did she want to be alone? Even if she wanted to be alone, he wouldn't let her. Over the past two years he had become very familiar with being alone. It wasn't a good feeling.  
  
After almost half an hour of silence, Sydney was the first one to speak.   
  
"I'm ready to hear the whole story." She swallowed. "From the beginning."  
************  
Nobody had wanted to be the first one to give up hope. At one point or another, Sydney had saved the lives of almost every one of them. She never gave up looking and trying to save them when it was hard or when it was painful. They couldn't stop looking for her if there was even the slightest hope that somewhere she was alive.  
  
That was the general feeling for months and months. Every lead was pursued, every scrap of information was followed up on. They traveled all over the world trying to find her -Sweden, Australia, Spain, China, Korea, the Philippines, South Africa, Mexico, Russia - the list went on and on. Slowly, the leads stopped coming, until finally there were none at all. It had been half a year and none of them had heard, seen, or found any reason to believe she was not dead - except for the lack of evidence that she was.   
  
Everyone dealt with her disappearance in their own way. Dixon considered leaving the CIA, leaving L.A., moving somewhere quiet with his children and starting a new life. But then he thought about his wife, and how much he wanted to bring down Sloane. And he thought about Sydney, and how she would have encouraged him to keep fighting. Losing one soldier doesn't mean you need to give up on the war.  
  
Marshall began working even more quickly than ever before, if that was possible. He and Carrie spent hours upon hours formulating theories about the Rambaldi device and what role it might have played in her disappearance. During one of their late-night work sessions, Marshall went off on one of his many tangents - talking only about Sydney for two hours. Carrie didn't stop paying attention once. The next year they were married. Weiss had reacted in a similar way. He buried himself in the work and went on many of the mission to try and find her, but after a while things started to return to normal. They both felt guilty for going ahead with their lives when so many of the others were still grieving, but they thought about Sydney and knew she wouldn't have wanted them to stop living.  
  
Vaughn was probably the hardest hit. He had been the one to walk in to her house, to find Francie dead, to find Will dying in the bathtub. He had dealt with the guilt of leaving her at her house that night and with the pain of losing the person he had loved for so long and finally had. He was the one who stayed at the office all day and all night. He was the one who was shot in the leg while he was on a mission to find her. And he was the one who sat alone in his apartment for two hours with a bottle of pain pills in his hand and considered his options. And then he thought of Sydney, and how she saved his life time after time. And he thought about how much she wouldn't want him to die this way - scared, alone, and depressed. He put the pills down and picked up the phone. He called Michelle.   
  
And as for Will, in one night Will had lost his two best friends and his girlfriend as well as found himself on the brink of death. After he recovered, he immediately went back to work. Like the others, he immersed himself in the clues, in the leads, in trying to find Sydney. And every time he felt like giving up, he too thought of all Sydney had done to save him and he pushed forward.  
  
At first, Jack suffered the least out of everyone. He never accepted that she was dead. The other men who cared for Sydney slowly returned to normal as time went by. Jack, on the other hand, became only more depressed. He knew that each day meant that the likelihood of her survival decreased, but for a long time he didn't lose hope that one day he would go into work and get a letter or a phone call or discover a piece of evidence that would lead him to the only thing that had allowed him to feel any emotion except for anger for decades - Sydney. And every time the rational part of his brain started to take over, he thought of Sydney, and thought of all she had done to save his life. She had been saving his life since Laura died. He couldn't give up on her.  
  
And instead of becoming colder and more closed off in her absence, Jack found himself caring about the well-being of Sydney's friends - as if he needed to fill in for her while she was gone. In a strange way, these six men who were all tied to Sydney in their own way found themselves being tied to each other.   
  
Which is the reason that when Vaughn made the decision to marry Michelle, one of the nurses who had cared for him after he was shot, all of them attended the wedding. Jack wasn't going to attend, but when Vaughn specifically asked him for his blessing, Jack couldn't help but give it. If Vaughn had in him the strength to move on, Jack couldn't tell him that he was wrong. After all, his life had been ruined by the death of the person he loved. Why make Vaughn suffer through the same miserable life when Sydney wouldn't have wanted that? And it was when that thought passed through his mind - nearly two years after her disappearance - that he finally accepted that she was dead. She was dead.   
*************  
  
Will and Jack talked to her for more than an hour. And she cried the whole time. She never broke down, though. A steady stream of tears just trickled down her pain-stricken face. They did start at the beginning, and told her Vaughn finding Will and Francie in the house and they told her the story right up until her phone call to Kendall. The left out the parts that they knew would hurt too much (Vaughn's marriage) and focused on the happy ones (Marshall's marriage). And at the end of the speech, she had just one question.  
  
"How did this happen?"   
  
And all they could do was hold her hand and tell her that they didn't know.   
  
After the story, silence once again filled the room.   
  
Jack's cell phone rang. It was Kendall.  
  
"Sydney, I'll just be in the kitchen," he said. She nodded.  
  
When he left, Will moved next to her on the bed and put his arm around her. "Whenever you're ready to talk," he whispered, "I'll be right here."  
  
She leaned up against him, and her tears soaked through his shirt and dampened his skin.  
****************   
Will and Sydney had been on vacation with a group of friends. They were in Mexico, or the Bahamas, or Miami...it wasn't important. Sydney had read an article about a P.O.W. in the Vietnam War who was held captive for several years. Everyone assumed he was dead. They held a memorial service. The whole time, he was alive, and the only thing keeping his that way was the knowledge that he had his wife at home, waiting for him.  
  
When he came home, his wife had remarried.   
  
Sydney thought that must be one of the worst things that could ever happen to someone. To survive for years with an image of your life in your head and then come home to find it totally crushed.  
  
One of the worst things that could happen. Her words. And now it was happening to her. Except that she never even had the time to worry about it, to have nightmares that while she was gone for two years he would have married someone else, to at least prepare herself for the possibility. She just woke up in a strange place and found out she had lost him.  
**********************  
  
As he remembered this moment, Will felt ready to cry. Not for himself, but for Sydney. He should have been happy, he should have been ecstatic that she was safe, that she was home, but he wasn't. He didn't want her to go through the hell that he had been going through for the past two years. Except hers would be worse. It would definitely be worse.  
  
From the kitchen, Will could hear Jack yelling at Kendall on the cell phone. (Some things never change.)  
  
All of a sudden she spoke. "I was so scared," she whispered.  
  
"When?" he asked.  
  
"I was in my house, and I woke up in Hong Kong. That's what it felt like. And I'm killing myself trying to remember, but I can't."  
  
"Nobody expects you to remember, Sydney. It'll come with time."  
  
"I didn't even realize what happened. How could two years go by and I didn't even notice? I was so afraid, and then I saw Vaughn, and..." she put her hand over her mouth to try and stop the sobs. "I thought everything would be ok."  
  
Will wanted more than anything to tell her that it was ok, but that would have been a lie. So he just remained quiet for a few minutes and tried to calm her.  
  
"Will...what's she like?"  
  
"Syd, don't do this to yourself," he responded. "It's not important right now."  
  
"I have to know."  
**************  
Vaughn had called him up and invited him out for lunch. That wasn't too unusual, but it was the first time since he had left the CIA. They sat across from each other and made small talk for a few minutes before Vaughn got to the point.  
  
"I think I want to marry Michelle," he said.  
  
"Are you asking my permission?" Will asked, confused.  
  
"No, no. I guess I'm just looking for advice."  
  
"Well, do you love her?" Will asked, as he took a bite of his pizza.  
  
"Yes, but that's not the point. I mean, of course I love her. How could I not? She's smart, she's funny, but..."  
  
"She's not Sydney," Will interrupted.  
  
"She's not Sydney." Suddenly it became quiet, and remained that way for 20 or 30 seconds.  
  
"Sydney's not coming back, Vaughn, you know that," Will said.  
  
"I had a nightmare the other night that Sydney came home and I was married. I wasn't even happy she was home. I remember thinking that all I wanted to do was pick her up and kiss her, but I just felt so awful and so guilty because I ruined her life and I ruined Michelle's life and I ruined my life. I don't ever want to be in the position where I would be anything less than ecstatic if she were to come back."  
  
"Sydney's not coming back," Will repeated.  
  
He was wrong.  
  
They were all wrong.  
*****************  
  
  
Will didn't know what to say. How could he respond to that question? Could he tell her how Michelle had saved Vaughn from the lowest point of his life? How she taught him to laugh again? How patient she was with him when he would break down crying for what seemed like no reason at all. He could make something up and it would be easier. But he told her the truth.  
  
"She's great. She's funny and smart and kind...........but she can't be you. She's not you, Sydney. To be honest, I like her a lot, and it's sad to have to say this about her. But I am going to say it anyway." He took a deep breath. "I don't have any idea what's going to happen, but I am 100% sure that this is true: no matter what, she will always be second best. Always."  
  
Sydney closed her eyes tightly to try and stop the next influx of tears. "I'm sleepy now," She whispered. He moved from the bed and pulled the blankets over her body. He planted a kiss on her forehead. "I love you, Sydney, and I'll be right here." He turned off the light and sat down in the chair. A moment later, Jack walked in and together they watched her fall asleep.  
______________________________________  
The end...for now. I might write more later...we'll see.   
  
If you were to review this, I would be very, very grateful. Please, please......pretty please! 


	2. It All Begins

Chapter 2  
  
It All Begins  
  
It was three in the morning, and he was still sitting, wide awake, in the chair next to her bed. He was watching her sleep.  
  
Earlier that night she had been shaking, almost shivering.. He had opened all the drawers and closets of the safe house bedroom and had finally discovered an extra blanket. He placed it over her body gently, not wanting to wake her, and sat down again.  
  
But she still tossed and turned. He had never seen anyone sleep so restlessly in his life. With only the dim light in the room he could still see the sweat glistening on her forehead and her red cheeks. Yet no matter how much she thrashed violently in her sleep, she still clutched the blankets.  
  
  
  
As much as Will wanted her to wake up so he could put and end to her nightmare, he knew the reality she faced was likely worse than anything she could be dreaming. He had to let her try and escape it, even if it was only for another few minutes.  
  
Jack still sat next to him. He too sat motionless, looking on helplessly at Sydney's convulsions.  
  
It really was amazing, Will thought, how patiently you can sit for hours upon end when someone you love needs you to be there. All he could think about was how awful the following day was going to be for Sydney - how waking up would only make it begin sooner.  
  
Before he knew it, he noticed the sun beginning to brighten the room and he turned to Jack. "Coffee?" he whispered. Jack nodded and Will crept outside to the kitchen. While the water heated up, he took his cell phone out of his pocket and turned it on.  
  
Seven missed calls. He scrolled through the numbers.  
  
Vaughn. Dixon. Marshall. Vaughn. Weiss. Vaughn. Vaughn.  
  
He dialed the seven digits.  
  
******************  
  
When Sydney disappeared, Vaughn and Will were friends. They weren't best friends by any means, but they were the kind of friends that they needed to be so that it wasn't awkward when they ended up eating breakfast in the kitchen together.  
  
Will had always wanted to hate Vaughn. He had always wanted to hate whoever it was that Sydney ended up falling in love with. It would have been much easier. But when he got to know Vaughn, he couldn't do it, especially after Vaughn got Will a job at the CIA.  
  
So it ended up that Will became pretty good friends with the person he had wanted to hate. However, they never really saw each other or talked when they weren't with the girls.  
  
That is, until 2:00 am, about three days after Will returned to work and a little bit less than a month after she had vanished.  
  
Will was lying in bed, wide awake. He hadn't slept much since she had returned to work. He, like the rest of them, had relied on coffee and the occasional donut or vending-machine sandwich to keep him functioning. The doctors had told him he was working too much, to take it easy, but he couldn't help it. In fact, none of them had left the office for more than an hour here and there. That is, until Kendall called them into a meeting for one reason.  
  
"You will all go home tonight. I don't want to see you until 8:00 tomorrow morning. I would advise that you sleep, but if you're not going to..." he paused and looked from Jack to Vaughn. "We're not getting anything accomplished with the five of our most crucial employees completely sleep-deprived."  
  
So Will had gone home. Granted, he hadn't left until 11, but he was home. He had eaten and showered and now he was lying in bed at 2:00 in the morning. Wide awake.  
  
And then the phone rang. There was still that fleeting instant where thought - just as he had every time he heard the phone ring for days - that it would be Sydney. He picked up the receiver and prepared himself for anything. "Hello," he said.  
  
"I...I'm sorry. I didn't know who to call..."  
  
"Vaughn?" he asked.  
  
"I'm sorry, Will, it's just I..."  
  
"It's not like I was asleep," Will replied.  
  
So at 2:30 in the morning Will and Vaughn met for drinks at a bar. They hardly said anything to each other the whole time, but it was understood. They were each going through the same thing, so they might as well be friends as they were going through it.  
  
************  
  
After he dialed, Will didn't even hear the phone ring on the other line before Vaughn picked it up. "Will?"  
  
"Sydney's fine," Will responded.  
  
"How is she?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"She's fine." There was a pause.  
  
"Will." His tone changed. "How is she?" Another pause.  
  
"She'll be fine. She's...she's pretty shaken up."  
  
He sighed. "Yeah, I know. On the plane flight home..."  
  
"Yeah, wow. How was that?" Will asked as he looked through the mostly empty cabinets for mugs.  
  
"You know what I was told when they called me back and told me she was alive?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"They said that I shouldn't take anything she says at face value. That it's possible she's been working against the CIA for two years. That she's reappearing when it's convenient for her..."  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"I totally prepared myself for that. That she wasn't dead, but she was probably...probably a traitor. And I kept telling myself, the whole way there, that she didn't care about me. That if she had she would have called. That when I walked in there it wouldn't be the Sydney I loved. It wouldn't matter that I was...that I had Michelle, because she clearly didn't love me. I told myself," he sighed and took a breath. "I told myself that I had to be professional and not tell her anything more than she needed to know."  
  
"And then you saw her?" Will asked, pouring the steaming coffee into three chipped mugs.  
  
"I opened the door and I couldn't believe how stupid I'd been. She..." he trailed off.  
  
"She's exactly the same," finished Will.  
  
"Yeah. Exactly. It's Sydney. To answer your question, the plane flight home was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And every time I started to feel badly for myself...I'd just look at Sydney and..."  
  
Will didn't know what to say.  
  
"Hey, are you coming back to work?" Will asked, changing the subject rather abruptly.  
  
"I already talked to Kendall, before I left. I have to be there...there's just no other option."  
  
"Is he ok with it?" asked Will.  
  
"When I left last year...we agreed. It was a sabbatical, until I was ready to go back."  
  
"Does Michelle know?"  
  
There was a pause. Will already knew the answer. "I have to go, Will. I have a couple of things to deal with, but I should be in the office later today."  
  
"Bye."  
  
Will pressed the red "end" button on his cell phone and stood in the kitchen for a moment before grabbing all three mugs and walking back into the bedroom.  
  
When he entered, Sydney was awake. She was holding her father's hand. Will tried to read her expression, but he couldn't. It just looked blank.  
  
He put a mug in Jack's hand, and offered the third one to Sydney. She took it. A few seconds of silence passed, until Sydney broke it.  
  
"Will, this coffee...it's terrible," she said, almost smiling.  
  
Will allowed himself to laugh, slightly, trying to come up with a witty response. He couldn't come up with anything, though. He was too happy. He had just seen the Sydney he has missed so much peeking out from underneath the misery. "Yeah, I know," he replied.  
  
"So when does it all begin?" she asked. "I mean, I'm assuming they're suspicious."  
  
Jack nodded. "They just have to look into some things. It doesn't necessarily mean they're suspicious..." The look on Sydney's face showed that she obviously didn't believe him. "They think that you either left willingly, and in that case intensive medical testing might reveal what you have been doing for all this time, or you were kidnapped, and in that case it would reveal why you don't remember anything and what you may have been subjected to while you were gone." He paused. "It would be helpful if you would consent to a full work up."  
  
"Yeah, whatever they need," she said softly, as she stood up out of bed and slipped into her shoes. Will and her father stood up, too. They were walking towards the door when she stopped them.  
  
Her momentary strength was crumbling.  
  
"Do you think they would let me bring Will with me? Today, for the tests" the tears were beginning to gather in the lids of her eyes again.  
  
Jack walked to his daughter and put his hand on her back. "I think we can arrange that," he said. They left the safe house and took their time driving to the office.  
  
  
  
_________________________________  
  
The end for now. This is the first time I have ever written something that isn't one chapter, so I hope I am doing alright. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter, you have no idea how much I appreciate it (unless you write fan-fictions, too, and then you probably know). Please review this one, too! I hate to be cliché, but I really do need motivation to continue. Thanks! 


	3. The Medical Side of Things

Chapter 3  
  
The Medical Side of Things  
  
A.N. - I apologize to any of you who know more about medicine than I do and find a lot of flaws in my explanations. I tried my best, but obviously I'm not a doctor.  
  
_________________________  
  
The elevator ride to the medical floor was very strange for Will. He hated elevators, but he found himself wishing that the ascent would last just a few moments longer. Sydney needed just a few more seconds to be ready.  
  
Or maybe Will needed a few more seconds to be ready.   
  
The elevator stopped and they heard the familiar "ding" letting them know that they had arrived. Sydney clutched Will's hand.   
  
"Are you ok?" he asked her.  
  
"I guess so," she replied quietly.  
  
A split-second later, when the doors opened, Kendall was standing there, waiting.  
  
"Agent Bristow," he began, seemingly lost for words. Will could almost see the wheels spinning in his head as he tried to decide how he should speak to her. "You're father has no doubt told you that we have a few tests we would like you to undergo..."  
  
She nodded.   
  
"Mr. Tippin is going to be accompanying her," announced Jack. For a moment, Kendall looked as if he were going to object, but he just lowered his head and nodded.  
  
"Agent Bristow, Mr. Tippin, if you'll follow me."  
  
The three of them walked down the long, white hall, leaving Jack alone.  
  
They reached one of the plain, white doors that lined the right side of the hallway. None of them had numbers, a few had small signs. This door had nothing. "Agent Bristow, if you'll just go on in. She is expecting you." She looked at Will. "I need to speak with Mr. Tippin for a moment."  
  
"It's ok, Syd. I'll be right there."  
  
Reluctantly, she opened the door and walked inside.  
  
Kendall took a deep breath. "Assuming all goes as expected, Agents Dixon and Weiss and Marshall will be waiting in the conference room. Do you think...is she ready for that?" Kendall asked.  
  
Will was slightly taken aback. Two years working with Kendall and he had never seen him do anything like this. Will smiled slightly. "Yeah, that'd be great."  
  
Kendall nodded. "Good luck." He walked away.  
  
Will opened the door. Sydney sat on one side of a large, wooden desk. A woman that Will recognized sat on the other.   
  
"Ah, Mr. Tippin. How are you?" she asked, as she stood up to shake Will's hand. "As you likely remember, I am Dr. McCarthy. Have a seat. Sydney wanted me to wait until you got here..."  
  
He did remember. When everyone had believed he was the second double, she had performed some of the tests on him. Those memories were horrible for Will, but Dr. McCarthy had never been rude to him. She had explained everything she was doing. She had been kind to him when it would have been much easier to treat him as a criminal, to be suspicious instead of caring.   
  
Sydney was in good hands.  
  
"I know this must be incredibly difficult for you, Ms. Bristow, and I apologize for this, but we are going to have to do a pretty intensive work-up today. We'll start with some blood tests and go from there." She smiled warmly as she said it, as if this were just a routine check-up.  
  
Sydney nodded. "Alright then. We'll get started right now if you'll follow me."  
  
******************  
  
Sydney and Danny and Will had gone out to dinner on a Thursday night. Thursday was an odd evening to go out to dinner, but they were all busy and they had to take advantage of whatever time they could find.   
  
They returned to Danny's apartment, grabbed some snacks from the fridge, and sat down in front of the television for some Must-See TV. Danny switched on ER - a favorite show of his because of the medicine, a favorite show of Sydney's because of George Clooney.   
  
In one of the scenes, the camera zoomed in as one of the nurses put an IV in someone's arm. Sydney's eyes had squeezed shut and her body had visibly tensed up.  
  
"Syd, it's just an IV," Danny said, through a laugh.  
  
"And it's fake, too," added Will.  
  
"I know. I just hate needles," she explained.   
  
Will and Danny exchanged glances and laughed.   
  
*****************  
  
Some things never change, Will thought, as he watched them prod her with needles and take multiple blood samples. Here was a woman who had been tortured in more ways than he cared to imagine and lived to tell the tale. She could deliver fatal blows and fight her way out of nearly any situation. Yet when it came down to it, she still flinched at the site of a needle pointed at one of her veins.   
  
Will stayed as close to her as they allowed him to be the entire day. He held her hand through all of the questions Dr. McCarthy asked her, he stood in the back room with the radiologist during her X-Rays, and he watched her helplessly through the glass as she went through regression therapy.  
  
That, by far, was the most difficult thing to watch.   
  
The woman administering the test had sat in the small room with Sydney, Will and Dr. McCarthy had stood on the other side of the glass. "Sydney, tell me what you're seeing. Remember, you're perfectly safe," she said   
  
She said nothing, but her head started moving slowly from side to side. It gained speed until it was jerking rapidly back and forth.  
  
"What's going on?" Will asked in a panic.  
  
Nobody answered him.  
  
Sydney was trying to speak, but hardly any words were coming out. She spoke quickly, and she sounded panicked. After each word came a long pause filled by a series of irregular, shallow breaths. "Sloane............... doctors............. Hong Kong............. no...............please don't............. no.............NO!!!!" She screamed the last word, and Will could see genuine terror on her face. Her head was still shaking violently back and forth.  
  
Will felt sick to his stomach. She was reliving the most awful experience of her life and he was standing there, watching it. Just as he was getting ready to burst through the door and save her, she stopped shaking. The woman who had hypnotized her came into the side room.   
  
"She's ok. She's....whoever did this to her, they did a hell of a job suppressing the memory," the woman said.  
  
"Why was she shaking like that?" Will asked.  
  
"In her mind she was seeing flashbacks. Random scenes from the past two years...they were being replayed in her mind, in no particular order. There were probably hundreds of images being fired off in her brain at once. She was moving her head like that because she was trying to see them all. It's like trying to watch five different TV shows on five different television sets at the same time."  
  
Will nodded. "Will she be able to piece them together?"  
  
"Usually suppressed memories can be put together again, but it can take weeks, sometimes months, and more regression therapy."  
  
"What was she yelling out? Those weren't memories were they?" He already knew the answer, but more than anything he wanted her to say no. He didn't want to think about why Sydney would have been screaming those words.   
  
The young woman looked as if she didn't want to answer. After a moment she took a deep breath and nodded.   
  
Will rushed to the door and went inside. Tears were streaming down Sydney's bright red cheeks. Her hands shook as she tried to cover her face with them.  
  
"I can't remember!" she cried as he embraced her. "I just...I can't remember..."  
  
"Shhh.....it's ok." He held her for a moment.   
  
Dr. McCarthy entered. "Sydney, you only have one more stop today. Dr. Barnett wants to speak with you," she said softly.  
  
  
  
Sydney nodded as she used her sleeves to wipe the tears off of her cheeks. They walked to Dr. Barnett's office. Sydney went in.  
  
"Will, I'd like to speak with you in my office for a moment. I've called Agents Kendall and Bristow down as well." He followed her into her office, where Jack and Kendall already sat.  
  
"Gentlemen," she said, as she moved to her large, leather chair on the opposite side of the desk. "I hope that the information I have here will make some kind of sense to you, because frankly, we don't know how it all fits together."  
  
The men nodded. Will had no idea what to expect. All day, the doctors had offered no hints as to Sydney's condition. She put the file on her desk, opened it, and looked at it for a moment before speaking.  
  
"I can tell you conclusively that she is not a double. There were no gene-therapy drugs found in her blood, the optical scans came up negative. Also, we have reason to believe that Sydney was held under force..."  
  
"Which would indicate she has not been disloyal," Jack interrupted.  
  
"Like I said, we only know the medical side of things. We found slight bruising around her ankles and wrists, where restraints might have been. Her fingernails...they were cut very short..."  
  
"What?" asked Will.  
  
"If she had been fighting back, scratching, they would have done anything they could to stop her," explained Jack.  
  
"We found signs of several fractures. It's difficult to tell which ones she may have had previous to her disappearance, but some looked like they occurred within the last year and a half. She weighs around 15 pounds less than she did at the time of her disappearance, her skin is pretty pale, she clearly hasn't had much exercise..."  
  
"Excuse me, Dr. McCarthy," interrupted Kendall. "To play the devil's advocate for a moment here, as compelling as this evidence is, it doesn't prove that she wasn't a willing participant. It only proves that she wanted it to look that way."  
  
"We also found traces of a sedative in her blood stream. This particular sedative, given in high doses, has certain side effects that we used to determine how long she may have been under its effects."  
  
"And?" asked Jack.  
  
Dr. McCarthy took a deep breath. "Two years."  
  
Although it probably wasn't appropriate to be happy at a time like this, everyone in the room was relieved to hear this news.   
  
"How did the regression therapy go?" asked Jack.  
  
"Not well," she said as she shook her head. "Her memory has been severely suppressed. It could be months before we'll be able to get any conclusive answers from Sydney."  
  
"Is that all?" Kendall asked.  
  
"One last thing. It is our medical opinion that Sydney was sedated, either fully unconscious or completely disoriented for the majority of her absence. That's why this confuses us so much. The scar on her abdomen.........I didn't think it could be from a cesarean section. It isn't in the typical position, it wasn't the usual size..." she paused. She looked flustered, and she took a moment to regain her composure. "It appears that Sydney was pregnant during her absence."   
  
**************  
  
It must be genetically programmed into women that no matter whether or not they have children, they must stop in the Baby Gap during any trip to the mall.   
  
This trip to the mall was no different. Will had been dragged into the store with Francie and Sydney who walked from rack to rack oohing and ahhing at the miniature overalls and tiny jeans.   
  
"Will, these are totally your shoes!" Sydney exclaimed as she showed him the four inch sneakers.  
  
As he observed Sydney and Francie laughing and smiling at little babies in strollers, he couldn't help but think about how happy they would be when they finally had babies of their own. They would both be able to leave with bags full of Baby Gap goodies.   
  
They would have been perfect mothers.   
  
Francie never got that chance.  
  
And Will had a feeling that when Sydney found out about what happened to her while she was gone, she might never want to go in a Baby Gap again.  
  
*************   
  
The phone in Dr. McCarthy's office rang, breaking the silence. After a short conversation, she hung up the phone. "Dr. Barnett wants to come speak with us, but would one of you be willing to go and sit with Sydney?"  
  
Jack and Will looked at each other. "You go, I've been with her all day," Will said, even though he would have rather gone himself. Jack seemed all to eager to see his daughter and left the room immediately. Moments later Dr. Barnett walked in and took his seat.  
  
"How is she?" Will asked.  
  
"I haven't written a formal evaluation yet, but she is doing far better than I expected."  
  
"Is she in denial?" asked Dr. McCarthy.  
  
"No. She knows that two years have passed. She accepts it. She just doesn't understand it - how it happened or why."  
  
"Is she ready to return to work?" asked Kendall.  
  
"I think we have to let her go back to work. In her mind, two days have passed since she disappeared. We need to make this as easy as we can for her, which means that she needs things to be the same as they were before. Obviously some things can't be the same..."   
  
Everyone knew what she was talking about.   
  
She continued. "But work, friends, things like that. Even though it's different now, she needs connections to two years ago." She paused for a moment. "Also, when she disappeared, all of you went into overdrive to try and find her. I would expect that as she learns the details of what happened to her, she will do the same. She'll become obsessed with finding the people responsible for it. Be patient with her, let her come back, and I would guess that within days she'll be pushing to get back into the field."  
  
After a few minutes, the meeting ended and Will and Kendall met up with Jack and Sydney. Once again, Will found himself in the elevator, wishing that the ride could last a moment longer. It was completely silent.  
  
"What did the doctor say?" Sydney asked, after the silence became too awkward for her to handle. No one answered.   
  
"You're fine, Syd," Will said finally, not wanting her to worry. She seemed to be satisfied with that answer for the time being. "Are you looking forward to seeing everyone?"   
  
"Of course I am, but..."  
  
"But what?" Will asked.  
  
"I just saw them two days ago."   
  
He put his hand on her shoulder. "Believe me, Syd. They're looking forward to seeing you."  
  
_________________________________________  
  
The end for now. Like I said, sorry if the medical stuff is vague/not plausible.   
  
Also, to everyone who has been asking if this is going to be s/w......without giving to much away I will say this: It might be. However, if you read any of my other stories you'll see that I am diehard s/v......so I guess you'll just have to wait and see what happens :)  
  
Thank you to everyone that has already posted reviews! They really do make my day! Please review this chapter, too! I'll try and get another chapter up soon... 


	4. The Photograph

The Photograph  
  
**********  
  
When she walked by the people in the operations center, they glanced up at her as they would any person walking by their desk. Then they returned to their work. A split second later, after processing what they had just seen, their eyes darted up in disbelief.  
  
Surely the Great Sydney Bristow hadn't returned from the dead.   
  
Pens dropped out of their hands and cups of steaming coffee were spilled over paperwork. Their eyes followed her as she made her way through the room. People Sydney had never met stared, not even noticing that their mouths hung ajar. The loud mixture of furious typing, printers running, and talking came to an abrupt halt. The phones even stopped ringing for the length of time it took Sydney, Will, and Jack to walk from the elevator to the conference room.  
  
And Sydney ignored it all. She walked straight for the door, and Will kept his hand on her shoulder the whole way.   
  
Once they stood in front of the entrance to the conference room, Sydney lowered her head, shut her eyes, and took a deep breath. Jack pushed the door open.  
  
  
  
As soon as she walked in, she was greeted with huge smiles and open arms. Dixon was the first to reach Sydney. He stood in front of her for a moment, looking for the right words.  
  
"Sydney..." he said, as if he didn't believe she was really there.  
  
He shouldn't be able to believe it, Will thought. Just two days ago she was dead.  
  
Dixon's mouth hung open, as if he were about to speak, but all he could do was laugh. "Sydney..." he said again, as he put his arms around her.   
  
Weiss and Marshall's reactions were much the same - stunned silence and hugs.  
  
And Sydney was crying. But they didn't seem like tears of sadness to Will. Sydney was overwhelmed by the happiness of her friends, he thought. Some of their joy was being transferred to her for just a moment.  
  
It wasn't until the three men moved from the row they had formed in front of Sydney that Will even saw him. Someone he hadn't seen in this building in months.  
  
Vaughn. Sitting in the corner, watching them welcome her back.  
  
****************  
  
About two months after being shot, Vaughn invited Michelle, Weiss, and Will over to watch a hockey game. Will and Weiss had never met Michelle before, and they weren't sure what to expect. As soon as the game was over she stood up to leave. She had to go home and catch a few hours of sleep before going to the hospital early the next morning. She gave Vaughn a hug and left.  
  
After a few second of silence, Will spoke. "She seems great..."  
  
"Yeah, she is," Vaughn replied.  
  
  
  
"How did you say you met? She was your nurse?" Will asked.  
  
"Yup," he said as he grabbed another beer from the fridge.  
  
"Does she hit on all her patients or just you?" Weiss joked.  
  
  
  
"No..." Vaughn laughed. "She didn't hit on me. I, uh, I called her."  
  
"Oh," Weiss said, sarcastically.   
  
"No, I mean, not to ask her out or anything. She gave me her number in case I needed anything," Vaughn explained. "And a week or so after I left the hospital, I needed something."  
  
There was an awkward pause in the conversation. That "something" needed a definition, and everyone in the room knew it.  
  
"Guys, I...I have to tell you something," Vaughn said, rubbing his face with his hand. "I wasn't going to tell you, but it just seems like..."  
  
"What?" Will asked. The cursing, cheering, and general rowdiness that had filled the room moments ago during the game had suddenly been replaced with complete silence and complete seriousness.   
  
"After I was shot, they...they gave me some pills...some, you know, some painkillers."  
  
Will could already see where this was going. "Vaughn. You didn't try..."  
  
"No. No, I didn't. But...I thought about it." Weiss and Will both stared at Vaughn, unsure of what to say. "I was sitting there...really thinking about it."  
  
"So you called Michelle?" Will asked.  
  
"Yeah," Vaughn nodded.   
  
From the short time he had spent with her, Will could understand why anyone would be attracted to Michelle - he could tell she was funny, smart, and good-natured. But he hadn't seen what it was that qualified her to be the first one after Sydney. What did she have that broke through to Vaughn? After hearing Vaughn's story, he knew what it was. Sydney wasn't the only woman who had saved Vaughn's life any more.  
  
They switched to ESPN and the three of them watched TV in complete silence.  
  
A few months later, as Vaughn filled a box with the items from his desk at the CIA, Will thought about that conversation and he was happy to see Vaughn go. He knew what this job was doing to Vaughn. He knew how exhausted he was and how depressed he was. He also knew that Vaughn was beginning to move on. But he couldn't move on if he stayed here.   
  
Will knew that if Vaughn didn't get away, he would never stop living his life around her. Vaughn held his box under one arm, and shook coworker's hands with the other. The whole way to the elevator he was met by person after person wanting to shake his hand. They all wished him good luck and smiled, while secretly wondering how such a talented agent was ruined by a single death.  
  
But none of them knew Sydney the way that he did. If they had, they would have been ruined too.  
  
Weiss and Will waited by the elevator. When Vaughn finally made it to them, he shook their hands.   
  
"Take care of yourself," Will said.  
  
"And don't forget about us when you feel like going to a hockey game," Weiss added.  
  
Vaughn shook his head and smiled. "Guys, it's not like we're never gonna see each other. We'll hang out."  
  
  
  
"Yeah, we'll hang out," said Weiss.   
  
The elevator doors opened. Vaughn stepped in and turned around to face them. "It's just a break. I'll be back before you know it."  
  
***************  
  
Evidently, Sydney hadn't seen him sitting in the corner, either. Her expression went blank for a moment, and then she forced herself to smile faintly. Vaughn stood up from his chair and walked up to her.   
  
"I already got to see you, so, you know, I didn't want to interrupt," he said. She nodded.  
  
"Anyway, I just wanted to say welcome back," he continued, nervously. Sydney nodded again.  
  
  
  
"Thanks," she said. He leaned in, as if to give her a hug, but instead he kissed her lightly on the cheek. Then he left the room.   
  
  
  
As Will stood with Sydney, Weiss, Marshall, and Dixon, he couldn't believe the irony of the situation. They stood in a room where, in meeting after meeting, they were told that no evidence had been found, that the lead had turned up empty, that they had no more clues.   
  
That Sydney was gone.   
  
And now, in that very same room where she had practically been declared dead, was Sydney Bristow, laughing and chatting about nothing at all.   
  
That was exactly what Sydney needed, Will thought to himself as he watched her. She needed Dixon to show her pictures of his kids. She needed Marshall to talk about his wedding and his new house. She needed Weiss to joke with her. She needed to be distracted.  
  
Will needed to be distracted, too. But every time he started to think about something else, his mind raced back to the news that Sydney would eventually have to hear, and the cold feeling inside him would return.  
  
After nearly half an hour of standing quietly while Sydney caught up with her friends, Jack came in and quietly tapped Will on the shoulder. Will hadn't even noticed Jack leave the room, but he followed him to another conference room where Kendall and Vaughn sat, staring at a computer screen.  
  
"What is it?" Will asked.  
  
"We just received an e-mail," answered Jack.  
  
"From?"  
  
"It appears to be from Irina Derevko," stated Jack.  
  
"What? We haven't heard from her in..."  
  
"Almost two years..." Kendall interrupted.   
  
"What did it say?" Will asked.  
  
"It's a picture," Jack explained.   
  
Vaughn motioned for Will to walk over to the other side of the computer screen. He did, and couldn't believe what he saw.  
  
The image was a chubby baby girl in a pink dress. Underneath it were a few words, which Will read even though he already knew who was in the picture.  
  
"Sydney's baby. Today."   
  
************  
  
Several years earlier Will had been in Sydney's apartment, waiting for her to get ready for a dinner. While he was waiting, he looked closely at the pictures on her bookshelves.   
  
Sydney and Francie at the beach. Sydney and Danny at a birthday party. Will and Francie at Disneyland.   
  
And then he came across a picture that was very different from the others. In a shiny, silver frame was a faded picture of a young woman, who looked almost identical to Sydney. She was sitting in a rocking chair, holding a chubby baby girl. He laughed at the picture and took it off the mantle.  
  
"Ready, Will?" she asked as she walked out of her bedroom, still hooking her earring.   
  
"Syd, you were the chubbiest baby I have ever seen in my life," he joked, showing her the picture. She laughed. "I mean, of course now you're not..."  
  
"It's ok, Will. I know," she said, flashing one of her huge grins.   
  
Will looked back at the picture. "It's funny though. I swear, even if this picture weren't in your house and your mother didn't look exactly like you, I think I would've known it was you."  
  
"Really?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah. Your eyes, they're exactly the same."  
  
"Will," she said, smiling, "we're gonna be late."  
  
***********  
  
The four men sat huddled around the computer, trying to figure it out.   
  
"He already had the device, why does he care about the baby?" Kendall asked, raising his voice above the others.   
  
"And what about Irina appearing out of nowhere?" added Jack.  
  
Will's thoughts were drowning it all out. He wasn't even listening to the bickering taking place around him. All he was doing was staring at the picture on the screen.   
  
"It looks just like Sydney. I mean, those eyes..." Will thought no one was paying attention, but a few seconds later, Vaughn spoke up.   
  
"Wait, Will, what did you say?"  
  
"She looks just like Sydney. It's unbelievable..." Another couple of minutes went by, but Will could tell Vaughn, too, had lost interest in the debate. Something was bothering him...  
  
"My God," said Vaughn suddenly.  
  
Jack and Kendall stopped arguing. "What?" asked Jack.  
  
"Why didn't we think of this before?" asked Vaughn. "It's so obvious, it's so..."  
  
"What?" Jack asked again.  
  
"Do you remember, right before she disappeared, when she was on the roof with Irina?"  
  
"What about it?" asked Kendall.  
  
"Sydney said that her mother believed Sydney was the one in the prophecy..." Vaughn explained.  
  
"Derevko didn't believe the prophecy was about herself," agreed Jack.  
  
"But we know it can't be Sydney," Vaughn continued. "She saw the mountain, it can't be Sydney...but..."  
  
"But it has to be someone that looks like she does. The sketch looks just like Sydney..." said Jack, beginning to see where this was going.   
  
"Vaughn, you're not saying...wait a minute, you're not..." Will stammered, not willing to believe what he was hearing.   
  
"Assuming Irina wasn't lying to Sydney when she told Sydney the prophecy wasn't about her..." Jack interrupted.  
  
"Let's assume that for the time being," said Kendall.  
  
"It wasn't Irina and it wasn't Sydney in the prophecy. My point is, couldn't it have been the baby?" asked Vaughn.   
  
"You're saying that they did this c-section in order to take her baby because the baby is the one in the prophecy?" Kendall asked incredulously. "It doesn't make sense."   
  
And then it hit Will. He suddenly understood. "No. That's not the point. They didn't just do the c-section to get the baby. The whole reason they kidnapped Sydney was to get the baby."  
  
Kendall still didn't believe it.  
  
"Look, it's been two years since the device was assembled. Unless I missed something while I was gone, it hasn't been used yet..." Vaughn continued.  
  
"Because Sloane had the machine, but he didn't have the person he needed to use it. The person Rambaldi had chosen," Jack said.  
  
Kendall finally looked convinced. He lowered his head. "And now he does."  
  
___________________  
  
The end for now. I apologize if there are typos or other mistakes in here, or if it generally doesn't make sense - I am up really late right now trying to get this finished before I leave for vacation tomorrow morning. It'll be at least 10 days until the next chapter is up. Please don't forget about me!   
  
Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed the chapters before this. Please review this chapter, also!  
  
Thanks for reading! 


	5. Why Me?

Why me?  
  
______________________  
  
It took a few seconds for everyone to realize the enormity of what they had just discovered.  
  
Sloane had kidnapped Sydney, taken her baby, and was now (apparently) ready to use his Rambaldi device.  
  
For all the work the CIA had done to stay one step ahead of Sloane, it now seemed that they were hopelessly behind. They didn't even know what the device did.  
  
"I'll leave you to deal with Agent Bristow. I have some phone calls I need to make," Kendall said to all of them. He rushed away.  
  
'To deal with Agent Bristow,' Will repeated the words in his head. He could never think of it that way. This wasn't a burden or a problem. This was Sydney. He didn't feel like he was "dealing with" anybody.  
  
Part of Will wanted desperately not to tell her. Wouldn't it be better for her to never find out about this? At least not today?  
  
Jack must have sensed that Will and Vaughn were tentative to tell Sydney. "It's better for Sydney to hear all the bad news today. Then she can have a few weeks to cope with it before the memories start coming back," Jack continued.  
  
"If they start coming back. They said there was a chance they might not," added Will.  
  
"Do you want to risk that?" asked Jack.  
  
A few minutes later, Jack, Vaughn and Will sat with Sydney at the end of the table in the conference room. Will held her hand.  
  
No one knew where to begin. There was silence.  
  
"Tell me," demanded Sydney. "You wouldn't have called me in here if it weren't important. Just tell me."  
  
The three men looked at one another and then back to Sydney.  
  
"Syd, something." Will paused, unsure of how to say it. "Something came up in your medical tests today."  
  
And then something Will hadn't expected at all happened. Instead of slowly and tentatively telling Sydney the details, instead of Jack filling in Will's pauses with more information, instead of taking 15 minutes to explain it to her, Vaughn spoke up.  
  
Vaughn told her what they had found during the tests. He told her about the baby. He told her the theory that they had come up with. He told her that as they spoke, Kendall was already gathering the information they would have to reexamine. They were already talking to Sark yet again, trying to glean whatever information they could with their new evidence. He didn't pause, he didn't search for the right words, he just got straight to the point. Will watched him with amazement. How could he be so brave?  
  
Sydney had stared at Vaughn for most of his speech, but Will was sure that every few seconds she glanced at the gold band on his finger. By the end of the explanation, her jaw was clenched and Will knew she was about to break down.  
  
She looked Vaughn in the eyes. "Will - you - please - leave?" she said calmly, emphasizing each word. Without flinching, he stood up and left. And then Will understood.  
  
Vaughn had explained what had happened to Sydney because he knew she was already upset with him. She could kill the messenger and it wouldn't matter. She would still have two people in the room to take care of her. He knew she needed that.  
  
So for the next half an hour Will and Jack sat with Sydney as she asked more and more questions that they didn't know the answer to. And through all the questions she didn't start sobbing, as Will had expected. Her jaw remain clenched and she didn't shed a single tear.  
  
After they had spoken for quite a while, she had just one more question. "Why me?" But as soon as she said it, her face filled with regret. She shut her eyes for a moment, stood up suddenly, and hurried out of the room. Will stood up to follow her, but Jack put his hand out to stop him.  
  
"Give her a few minutes."  
  
Will waited a couple seconds, and then decided to go find Vaughn. He didn't have to look far, though. Vaughn was standing right outside the door, leaning against the wall.  
  
****************  
  
Will and Vaughn were eating lunch together. In fact, it was the same lunch at which Vaughn had told Will he was planning on marrying Michelle. The first time they had seen each other since Vaughn had left the CIA. The lunch where Will had been so sure that Sydney was never coming back. Where he had been so very wrong.  
  
At some point during a short pause in conversation, something occurred to Will. Something that now seemed incredibly obvious. He couldn't help but laugh out loud at how blind he had been to have not seen it before.  
  
"What?" asked Vaughn.  
  
"You left the CIA because Michelle asked you to, didn't you?" he said. "You didn't leave because you got sick of working."  
  
Vaughn didn't respond, but to Will, his silence was enough of an answer. "So are you ever going to come back?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You're not gonna come back if you marry her," Will said, smiling, and shaking his head knowingly.  
  
Vaughn picked up his Diet Coke and took a sip. He put it down and stared at the glass. He was clearly thinking about something, but Will had no clue what it was.  
  
"I think I'd only come back for one reason," Vaughn explained. "Only if she came back."  
  
"Vaughn." Will was starting to get frustrated by his friend's denial. He missed Sydney as much as anyone, but he had been able to accept she was gone.  
  
"I know, I know what you're going to say."  
  
"So you're never coming back?" Will asked.  
  
Again, Vaughn took a moment to answer. "She started crying. Michelle did." He rubbed his face with his hand, the way he always did when something was bothering him. "A couple nights ago, we were supposed to meet for dinner. I was late, we had a debrief. When I got there she was in tears. She said that as long as I'm at the CIA, I'll always love Sydney more than I love her." He paused.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"I'd quit if it meant that much to her, but she was wrong."  
  
Will didn't have to ask what she was wrong about. It had been just minutes earlier that Vaughn had told him that he loved Michelle, but "she's not Sydney."  
  
When Vaughn told Michelle she was wrong, surely Michelle assumed that was Vaughn's way of saying, "of course I don't love Sydney more." Somehow, though, Will knew that that wasn't what she was wrong about.  
  
She was wrong about the CIA part. It didn't matter whether or not he worked there.  
  
He would always love Sydney more.  
  
*************  
  
"You ok?" Will asked Vaughn as soon as he spotted him. Vaughn was leaning against the wall, using his right hand to spin his wedding ring around on his finger.  
  
"I'm fine. Is she ok?"  
  
"She's fine," Will said instinctively. Then he thought about it. "No, she's not."  
  
"How could she be?"  
  
"Exactly," Will responded. "Hey, don't worry about it. She was just killing the messenger."  
  
"Go find Sydney," Vaughn said. "She got in the elevator."  
  
Seconds later Will was in the elevator. In this building, there weren't very many places to go to get away from people. He had a hunch, so he pushed the button for the top floor. He walked down the narrow hallway, swiped his ID card through the scanner, opened the door, and walked up the stairs to the roof.  
  
He knew her too well, he thought, when he spotted her on the roof. She was leaning up against the railing, taking in the view of Los Angeles. Watching the tiny people going about their lives, as hers was falling apart. He walked over and stood next to her.  
  
"I thought I'd try it, but it doesn't work for me anymore," she said, when she noticed him standing there.  
  
He knew exactly what she was talking about.  
  
***********  
  
In college, they used to stand on roofs. It didn't really matter what roof, as long as it was high up and they could get to it.  
  
Whenever they were stressed out, or upset, or worried, they'd find a roof and go stand on it. There was something about standing so high up and watching everything go on below that just made whatever problems you might have seem insignificant. You could see so many people. Surely one of them must be worse off than you. They would look at the people below and make things up about their lives. They weren't wishing these horrible things upon these people, it was just their way of understanding that everyone has problems.  
  
"Ok, see that woman in the black dress?"  
  
"Which one?"  
  
"That one, next to the taxi."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Her father just died.  
  
"That sucks."  
  
"She's flying back to New York tomorrow morning."  
  
"Alright, that guy with the dog."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"To the left, yeah, next to the street light."  
  
"Ok."  
  
"He just lost his job."  
  
"Does he have a family?"  
  
"Uhh, yeah, two kids. A boy and a girl. And he has a wife. And a dog."  
  
As morbid as it was, they would play this "game" for a little while. Suddenly the C they got on their mid-term, or the term paper that they didn't know how to begin, or the boyfriend or girlfriend that just broke up with them just didn't seem so horrible. Somebody was always worse off.  
  
But of course it didn't work for Sydney anymore.  
  
Nobody was worse off than she was today.  
  
************  
  
It didn't take a long time for Sydney to start talking to Will. It was as if she were expecting him. "Why me," she said, shaking her head. It wasn't a question this time. It was a statement. "All I've been able to think about today how unfair this is for me. 'Why me?' When I said it I could have kicked myself because you know what?" She was still staring straight ahead of her, at the Los Angeles skyline. "Why Francie? And why this. this baby..." By this point she had raised her voice. She took a breath and calmed down. She began again, more softly. "And why you, Will? In my mind, it was just a few days ago that you told me I ruined your life."  
  
"Sydney -" he tried to interrupt her, to tell her that for two years he'd been asking himself why he even said that, but she wouldn't let him.  
  
"No, Will," she had raised her voice again. "You were RIGHT. I ruined everybody's life."  
  
"Sydney -" again, he wanted to interrupt her. To tell her that if she wouldn't be able to find a single person in this building who thought she had ruined their lives. No one thought that the pain that her disappearance had caused them outweighed the happiness that she had brought to them before she was gone. But he couldn't interrupt her. She just kept on talking. In between series of shallow breaths she managed to form a some of sentences. "I have a baby, Will. I was going to be different than my parents. I was going to be there for my baby for her whole life. I don't even know what she looks like."  
  
Will wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back. "Shhhhh," he told her. He had no idea how to comfort her. He just held her and they stood on the roof together. The sun was starting to set, he knew they should go downstairs soon and leave. But before he asked her to go downstairs, it came to him.  
  
"Syd. We have a picture of the baby."  
  
______________________________  
  
Ok, so a few things. First of all, sorry about the time it took for me to get this up. I was out of town and I've been really busy since I got back. Also, I am sorry about this chapter. A lot of things were supposed to happen, but it kind of turned out to be filler. The next chapter should be better, though. I hope I can get it up before I go out of town again on Sunday. I will try very hard. I hope you are still enjoying my story.  
  
I have become addicted to reviews, so please review. Please. I know I am begging, but it really doesn't matter. Please...  
  
Alright, thanks for reading! 


	6. Friends

Friends  
  
_______________________  
  
Everyone had agreed she should stay at his place. There really wasn't a logical alternative.  
  
The two of them sat at his kitchen table. The clock on the oven said 10:30. He was tired, but not the kind of tired that eight hours of rest can cure. He was tired in the way that you become after dealing with everything he had dealt with over the last two years. In a perfect world he would pack his bags and head to Mexico or somewhere - anywhere - that he could sit on the beach, drink a beer, and not think about the CIA, Rambaldi, or even whether or not he remembered to pay the phone bill.  
  
This, however, was not a perfect world. It would be quite a while before he sat on a beach. As he thought about that, he looked at Sydney. She looked even more emotionally tired that he felt, and she had only been dealing with this for two days. He doubted if a trip to the beach would help her right now. Only time could help Sydney.  
  
Sydney was sipping white wine. They didn't talk, they just sat there. Sydney sipped, Will watched. They hadn't spoken much since they left the roof. Sydney had looked at the picture of her baby with her hand covering her mouth. Will couldn't tell if she was laughing or crying at the picture of the infant.  
  
"Can... can I.... " she managed to stammer out, pointing to the printer. Jack nodded.  
  
"Sure," he said. She pressed the print button, sat completely frozen for a few seconds, and then hurried off to the restroom.  
  
Later, as Will navigated his way home though L.A. traffic, she had made her seat recline as far as it would go. She leaned back, her eyes shut.  
  
And she still wasn't speaking. But Will understood. Where could she begin?  
  
The wine glass was empty and its base touched the table, but she still had her hands wrapped around it, as if she had forgotten that it was resting on the surface and wouldn't shatter if she let go.  
  
"Syd, you want some more," he said as he pushed his chair back and started to stand up.  
  
"No... no, Will, it's ok." She stared at the wine glass for a few more seconds. "I think I'm going to take a bath," she said, half-smiling, pretending to be alright. She stood up and walked to the bathroom, carrying the small suitcase containing her clothes.  
  
*************  
  
Will and Vaughn were at Sydney and Francie's apartment. It was a couple of months after her disappearance. Much of Sydney's and Francie's things had been taken.  
  
Evidence.  
  
Evidence of what, Will wasn't exactly sure. Everyone knew what had happened. Nonetheless, most of "Francie's" belonging had been removed, and sections of the house where fights had occurred were still covered up by sheets of plastic so that it looked like the girls had left the house in a hurry but had remembered to cover their messes in giant garbage bags in case there were any visitors while they were gone.  
  
Their orders were to get in, collect Agent Bristow's belongings, and get out.  
  
But it was much more personal than that for Will and Vaughn.  
  
It's still a crime scene, they were reminded. They shouldn't touch anything or step anywhere they didn't have to. They were only to remove what she would need if she were to be found. At this point that was still a possibility.  
  
They moved slowly through the house considering each object. They collected things she might not need just because they still smelled like her, or because they could still imagine her using them. The blanket off the couch. Her pillow. A wooden spoon from the kitchen. They made it to her bedroom. They emptied the closet and her bathroom drawers. They collected the picture frames from around her room, including the one of Danny, which was still next to her bed. They found a picture of Sydney and Will and a picture of Sydney and Vaughn. They took those for themselves.  
  
Vaughn emptied the top drawer of the chest-of-drawers and put everything in a bag. He opened the middle drawer and froze.  
  
"What is it?" asked Will.  
  
"Nothing," Vaughn said, obviously trying not to break down, as he shut the drawer. He hadn't removed anything. He moved on to the bottom drawer.  
  
They packed up the back of Will's car.  
  
"So, we'll just split this stuff up. keep it at our apartments," said Vaughn.  
  
"Yeah. We can give some to Jack, too."  
  
"We can put some of her clothes in a bag. For when she comes back..... " Vaughn said.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
They finished packing and got in the car. They sat there for a moment, thinking.  
  
Surely they were thinking the same thing.  
  
They would never be back here again.  
  
************  
  
Will stood up to clean the kitchen as he heard the bathroom door shut behind Sydney. He kept waiting to hear the bathwater falling against the tub, but he heard silence. For a few seconds there was nothing, and then she turned the shower on.  
  
He remembered now. In her mind, a few days ago she had found Will "dead" in the bathtub. A few years ago she found Danny dead in the bathtub.  
  
She probably wouldn't be such a fan of baths anymore.  
  
Will grabbed the open bag of Doritos from the cabinet and started eating them as he wiped down the counters. He hadn't cleaned the kitchen in a couple days. He also hadn't eaten at all today, and maybe not at all the day before. He couldn't remember, but suddenly he was starving.  
  
His phone rang.  
  
"Yeah," he answered.  
  
"Will, it's me," said Vaughn.  
  
"Hey, isn't it a little late for you to be -"  
  
"Can I come in, is she sitting with you or.... "  
  
"What?" asked Will, confused.  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
Will walked to the front door. He began to unlock it, "What are you talking about? Are you -"  
  
He didn't have to finish his sentence. He opened the door to Vaughn, standing there, holding his cell phone to his ear. He hung up.  
  
"Can I come in?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah," Will replied, as he moved aside.  
  
Vaughn walked straight to the kitchen, and sat down at the table. Will grabbed a beer out of the fridge and offered it to his friend.  
  
"No thanks...... I'm fine," Vaughn said. Will sat down across from him. "Syd's in the shower?"  
  
Will nodded. Vaughn sat there, completely silent.  
  
"Uhh, Vaughn..... " Will said.  
  
"She hates me," Vaughn said. Will wasn't sure what he had been expecting Vaughn to say, but it wasn't that.  
  
"She doesn't hate you," Will said. Unfortunately, he wasn't sure if he meant it or if it was just his gut-reaction answer. The kind of answer you give when someone asks if their new pair of glasses looks good. You always say, "of course." You don't even think about it.  
  
"She hates me. She should hate me.... I hate me."  
  
"Vaughn, you're being too hard on yourself."  
  
He pulled his wedding ring off his finger and held it up to show Will. "I thought about taking it off today, before I went to the office."  
  
"You didn't though." Will remembered Vaughn wearing the ring, he remembered Sydney glaring at it before she asked him to leave the room.  
  
"I was too afraid. I thought if I took it off I might look at Sydney and just forget I was married. And you know what, it didn't even matter. Every time I saw her today all I could think about was that I was married. That there was no point in looking."  
  
Will nodded his head. He had no clue what to say. What do you say to someone who had been so happy he was finally able to move on and now wants nothing more than to fall backwards? Back to what he had before.  
  
"And I can't even feel bad for myself because I deserve it."  
  
"No one deserves this," said Will.  
  
"I do. I...... I should've waited. You know when Kendall called me, all I could say was, 'why me? Why are you asking me to go and pick her up?' He told me it was because I was closest to her before she left. And now look at me.. " he paused. "Will, you're doing a great job, but it should be me with her right now." He stopped talking and slid his ring back on his finger.  
  
It was then that Will noticed Sydney standing in the doorway. They hadn't even heard the water stop running. She was wearing her old pajama pants and a spaghetti-strap, her hair was sopping wet. She was staring at Vaughn's back with a look of complete shock on her face. She shut her yes, composed herself, and walked right past him to the fridge.  
  
Will wondered if she was just going to ignore him. Sydney was a master of deception, but could she really make it seem like she didn't even care he was there?  
  
She couldn't. He could tell from her body language that she was nervous. Vaughn's eyes followed her as she poured a glass of milk, put the gallon back in the fridge, walked back to the counter. She took a sip and put the glass down. She put her hands on the counter; her back faced both of them. She stood there. Silent. Still.  
  
"I, uh...... I better go," said Vaughn, standing up.  
  
"Yeah," said Will, also getting up.  
  
Vaughn stopped though, before he left the kitchen.  
  
"Sydney....... " he began. Will glanced at him, completely surprised. "Sydney, I know this day has been..... I know how hard..... " he wiped his hand over his face and took a deep breath. "It's too early for you to understand, Syd. I won't blame you if you never do..... " He turned around and took a few more steps. He stopped again, and turned back around. "I still love you. Believe me...... I, uh, I never stopped." Vaughn dropped his head. Before he could start to leave again, though, Sydney turned around.  
  
Slowly, she walked to him. He looked up, clearly not knowing if he should expect to be hit in the face or yelled at or kissed.  
  
Tentatively, she took his left hand in hers, and touched the golden band. She dropped his hand and looked at him. She wrapped her arms around him. From where he stood, Will couldn't see Sydney's face. He could see Vaughn, though. When Sydney hugged him, at first he looked shocked. After a few seconds he put his arms around her. And Will could tell what he was thinking, because it was the same thing that Will thought every time Sydney hugged him. Vaughn never wanted to let go of Sydney.  
  
She rested her head on his shoulder, and spoke to him very softly. "Vaughn," she began. "I think that we owe it to each other to be friends....." She remained there for a moment, then kissed him on the cheek and slipped right past him and into her room.  
  
Vaughn shut his eyes, and when he opened them, Will was sure there were about to overflow with tears. Without saying another word, Vaughn left.  
  
Will picked up the glass of milk. He knocked on Sydney's door and she came to open it. She looked at the glass of milk, and then at Will. She smiled.  
  
"Thank you," she whispered, talking the cool glass from his hands. "And Will..... "  
  
"Yeah," he said.  
  
"You don't have to sit with me tonight...."  
  
He let out a laugh. "Good night, Syd," he said, as she closed the door.  
  
Will got himself ready for bed, and then remembered he hadn't locked the door again after Vaughn left. As he locked it, he heard a car pull out of his driveway. Vaughn had been sitting there.  
  
He walked to his bedroom and fell into his bed. For the first time in two years, he fell asleep so quickly that he didn't have time to worry about anything.  
  
_________________________  
  
Once again I am up way too late trying to finish this chapter before I go on vacation Sunday, so sorry if there are typos. At the very least it will be a week an a half before I get the next chapter up, but it could be three or four weeks. I am sorry, but PLEASE don't forget about me. You guys have been so great in reviewing this and it is making me SO happy, so just be on the look out for another chapter.  
  
By the way, I appreciate all my reviews, but I want to mention one person in particular. Special thanks to Edele Lane, who has read and reviewed every chapter. And she has written long reviews, which are especially awesome.  
  
Anyway, thank you to EVERYONE to reading. Reviews seriously make my day. Have a nice few weeks! 


	7. Breaking and Entering

Breaking and Entering  
  
________________  
  
Will had been told he could have the next day off, so he slept in until 8:00. When he walked into Sydney's room a couple of minutes later, for a split second he was sure that his worst fear had come true. She wasn't in her bed.  
  
Sydney was gone. Again.  
  
However, after a moment the rational part of his brain kicked in and told him she was probably in the kitchen. She probably hadn't been able to sleep well and had left her bed early.  
  
He found her at the table in front of a half-eaten bowl or Raisin Bran and a glass of water. Spread out on the table was that morning's L.A. Times.  
  
"Catching up on the news?" he asked, as he walked into the kitchen. It had just occurred to him that she hadn't seen a newspaper for two years.  
  
She looked up from the paper and grinned. "I've been up all night reading articles on the internet. In fact, I have a question for you. I just thought of it a few minutes ago."  
  
"What?" he asked, while pouring his own bowl of Raisin Bran.  
  
"What happened on the series finale of 'Friends'?"  
  
Will couldn't help but laugh. Questions like this just reminded him how much Sydney had missed out on. She wouldn't just have to catch up on world events, politics, Sloane, Rambaldi, etc. She would also have to hear about all of the pop culture events from the last two years. It made sense that she was curious about a TV show that the rest of the world watched a year ago.  
  
"I guess it was pretty good," he began. "I mean, I was never an avid 'Friends' watcher like you were, so-"  
  
"But what happened?" she interrupted.  
  
"Umm," he had to think about it for a second. It had been such a long time since it aired. "Ross and Rachel ended up together, that's all I-"  
  
"Good!" she exclaimed. Will sat down at the table and in between bites of cereal they discussed 'Friends' and then moved on to other TV shows, celebrities, and sports. Sydney laughed and smiled the whole time. Will suspected that she was just putting on a mask of happiness - that she was using everything she had in her to not seem depressed. He knew that in a few hours she would most likely be miserable again. But for the time being, he didn't care. It was so wonderful just to be sitting and joking around with Sydney again. He could deal with the tears when they came.  
  
After more than an hour she stood up. Will hadn't even noticed she was wearing an outfit to go run.  
  
"Syd."  
  
"Yeah," she replied as she turned around and used the wall to stretch her calves.  
  
"Do you think you're ready to go running?" He kept thinking about what Dr. McCarthy had said: Sydney hadn't exercised in a long time.  
  
"I have to get back in shape, Will," she answered, never taking her eyes off the wall.  
  
"I'm just not sure it's a good idea." He wanted to talk her out of it - to have her stay there in the house where he knew she was safe. Before he had a chance to convince her not to go, though, she was at the door.  
  
"Syd! Wait!" She turned around, obviously expecting to hear reasons she shouldn't leave. "You're not going to invite me?"  
  
She grinned and rolled her eyes playfully. "Well go get ready then!"  
  
Five minutes later they were jogging. Will went running several times a week and had no problems running long distances at quick speeds, but he tried to jog his slowest in order to set the pace where he knew Sydney could handle it. His efforts were futile, however; he kept having to speed up to stay next to Sydney on the sidewalk. He jogged helplessly next to her as he watched her push herself harder and harder. She kept running even as she clutched her side and gasped for oxygen. He wanted to tell her that this was far enough, that they could turn around now, but he had realized where she was leading him.  
  
When Sydney finally doubled over and caught her breath, Will saw that he had been right. They stood in front of her old apartment.  
  
The last time Will was there, he and Vaughn had been on a mission to retrieve Sydney's things. This time Will was on a mission with Sydney, and he was pretty sure he knew the objective. Sydney was looking for closure.  
  
Will had heard that a married couple had moved in to the apartment once it had been cleaned out and repaired. As Will watched Sydney staring at the house, he tried to imagine how it would feel to wake up tomorrow and, among other things, find his house inhabited by complete strangers.  
  
Sydney wiped her sweaty forehead with the back of her hand and walked to the front porch. She pushed her face against the window. "The lights are off," she declared.  
  
Will was starting to get a bad feeling about this, "Sydney, what are you doing?"  
  
She ignored him and walked to the garage. She jumped up and peered in one of the small windows. "They're not home," she said as she started walking around to the backyard.  
  
"Sydney, you're not seriously thinking about going in there, are you?" Will asked, beginning to get nervous. He followed Sydney to the back of the house despite his doubts about what she was planning. "It's breaking and entering!" She was testing the windows, trying to push one open.  
  
"It's not breaking and entering if you don't break anything. Plus, we're not going to get caught."  
  
"And if we do?" Will already had an undeserved heroin conviction on his record. Did he really want to add to that?  
  
"Just tell them I'm emotionally unstable. I snuck in and you followed to try and get me out." She smiled and Will relaxed a little bit.  
  
"Ah - I got one!" She pushed the glass up. "Look," she said, as she pulled herself through the window, "you don't have to come if you really don't want to."  
  
Will's heart was racing. No matter how innocent she looked, the fact was that Sydney was a spy. Plain and simple - she had been trained to sneak in and sneak out. Will might work with spies, but he sat behind a desk. Entering a stranger's house was not something for which he had been prepared.  
  
"Here goes my life as a law-abiding citizen," he said to himself as he entered the house.  
  
Her eyes were closed when he saw her. She was breathing deeply - inhaling the scent of her home. They were in a room they both knew well. The furniture was all different - a desk with a computer covered the wall where Francie's bed had been, pictures of the happy homeowners in matching silver frames adorned the walls, an entertainment center holding an old TV set rested where her bureau had once been. Yet when he closed his eyes, he could feel Francie in the room.  
  
Sydney walked to one of the photographs. Cautiously, as if the frame were on fire, she reached forward until her fingers touched the picture. She slid her fingers down the glass, leaving streaks of sweat which she promptly wiped away. She leaned against the wall and slid down it until she was sitting on the floor.  
  
"I just had to see it," she whispered. She put her face in her hands.  
  
Will ignored the voice in his head that was telling him to get out of the house as quickly as he possibly could and he sat down next to Sydney.  
  
"Can I ask you another question?" she said.  
  
"Of course." Will thought about Sydney's earlier question about Friends. He had been correct when he had guessed her happiness was a facade. Now he could see what was behind it as she slipped back into sadness.  
  
"Do they know when .......when she ......." Sydney couldn't finish.  
  
Will nodded. "Based on what Sark told us, it happened the same day as the takedown of SD-6."  
  
"So that whole time after .......she was dead?" Sydney barely even whispered the final word of her question.  
  
Again, Will nodded. He didn't know what to say, but Sydney filled the silence by stammering out another question.  
  
"Will. What did they tell her parents?"  
  
*****************  
  
Before Will left the hospital to go to his house with his sister, he had been debriefed by Kendall, Vaughn, and Jack. They told him that they hadn't found the real Francie's body and didn't expect to. Will pleaded with them not to bury Allison in Francie's grave, not to honor Allison with Francie's memory, and Kendall acquiesced. So when Will attended Francie's funeral a week later, he knew that whatever was in the closed casket was not Francie's body.  
  
It was just one more lie in the web of lies the CIA and FBI had created and fed to the Calfos. The story they had been told was gruesome in its own right, but Will knew that this lie was better than the truth - that their little girl was shot point-blank months ago and, for reasons the Calfos would never be able to understand, no one had noticed until now.  
  
The Calfos were told that Francie, Will, and Sydney had been the victims of a random break-in for drug money. Things turned ugly, and the burglars ended up fighting with Francie and her friends. Will had been stabbed, but survived. Sydney was in critical condition at the hospital, and no, she wasn't allowed to have any visitors. Francie had died quickly, but her body was in such a condition that it would be inappropriate to have an open casket. When her parents asked to see the body so they could say goodbye, they were shown Allison, covered in a sheet from the chin down.  
  
As for the men responsible, they had been cornered by the police. The men opened fire on the officers and the men were shot. They were both dead. Since there was no longer any danger to the public, the Calfos were told that this wouldn't be released to the press. Since they didn't want to deal with the media circus, they were fine with that.  
  
Of course, the story was completely false, but how else could they explain Francie's death, Will's stabbing, and Sydney's disappearance?  
  
Will had heard that a day or two after the night Sydney vanished, an item ran in the local paper describing a 'domestic disturbance' at the apartment. The neighbors should be aware that all sorts of people would be stopping by to investigate in case one side or the other pressed charges.  
  
And that was that. The whole mess was covered in lies, wrapped up in a little box, and given to whoever asked any questions.  
  
************  
  
When he finished his story, there were tears in Sydney's eyes.  
  
"We should probably go ." she said softly. He stood up and helped Sydney up, too. Once they were safely outside and the window was shut again, they walked around front.  
  
Sydney stopped suddenly and looked back up at the house. She stood transfixed, staring at her home. She threw her hands over her mouth, and before Will could make it to her, she was breaking down. Right there, in the middle of the strangers' small front lawn. She cried in a way Will had never seen anyone cry before. She tried furiously to wipe away her tears, to control her breathing, to regain some composure, but it was useless. She collapsed into his arms, shaking and gasping for air through her sobs.  
  
After a few minutes and more than a few stares from neighbors walking by, Sydney had calmed down enough to walk home. She cried the entire way back, right up until she fell down on her bed and pretended to be asleep so Will would leave the room.  
  
Looking back, Will knew that that must have been the moment that she decided how she was going to cope with the disaster that had become her life.  
  
It would be a very long time before Sydney cried like that again.  
  
___________________________  
  
First of all, I just want to apologize if there are any places where it seems like there should be three dots (.) but there is only one or two. I have been having a lot of problems trying to get ellipses to upload correctly, so sorry about that.  
  
Secondly, thanks for reading and thanks for being patient with these chapters. Once again, it's going to be another few weeks before the next chapter is up, but I promise I will post it as soon as I get a chance. Please keep reading and reviewing!!! Thanks for all the reviews I've received so far! 


	8. Dinner

Dinner  
  
_________________________  
  
Sydney was fidgeting in the front seat of Will's car as he drove. She tapped her glossy, cherry-colored fingernails, which had grown long in the three months since she had returned, against the window. She twisted her dark brown tresses around her fingers. She took long, deep breaths in through her nose. Five seconds later she opened her mouth and exhaled. Will had counted. It was exactly five seconds every time.   
  
"Will," she said after 10 minutes of the drive had passed. "I don't think I can -"  
  
"Sydney," he cut her off, "it will be fine."  
  
The silence returned, and so did the fidgeting. She adjusted the straps of her high heels, played with the air conditioner, and continued her breathing exercise. Deep breath in through the nose. Five seconds. Exhale. Repeat.   
  
A few minutes later, they arrived. He parked his car on the street and turned off the engine.   
  
"I'm not ready," she said, shaking her head. "I can't."  
  
He reached over and took her hand. "Syd, you've never said 'I can't' about anything."  
  
"But I'm not ready. How is it going to help anyone for me to go in there right now?"  
  
"You've been home for three months. It's time. You have to see that she's real so that you can you can move past it. Syd, you're ready to meet her."  
  
Sydney took her last deep breath and unbuckled her seatbelt. With her head up high and a smile plastered across her face, she and Will made their way up the stone path to the door of Michael and Michelle Vaughn's home.  
  
*********************************  
  
One week earlier  
  
  
  
Looking at Vaughn across the Formica table in the cafeteria, eating his turkey sandwich, Will tried to think of an adjective that could describe Vaughn's not-so-healthy appearance.   
  
Worried? Vaughn was definitely worried, and so was Will. Every time Sydney went on a mission they both worried. Would this be the mission that took her away again? Will always felt as if he didn't take a single breath from the time she left until he received her phone call letting him know she was back in L.A. Will felt no different today. Sydney was in Sweden with Dixon. He was still holding his breath, and without a doubt, so was Vaughn. But it was more than just worry that was plaguing Vaughn. There was something else.  
  
Exhausted? Occasionally Will had nightmares while Sydney was away, or sometimes even when she was sound asleep in the next room. Was Vaughn having similar dreams that kept him awake at night? Could a lack of sleep be responsible for his pallid appearance? It was possible, but once again it seemed to Will that there was something more.  
  
Lonely? Vaughn had a charming, kind, and beautiful wife at home. Surely he wasn't lonely. Then again, how could Will know the state of his friend's marriage now that the love his life had returned from the dead?  
  
Finally, Will settled on distressed: extremely upset, anxious, or unhappy. Distressed definitely summed it up.   
  
After a few minutes of eating in mutual silence, Vaughn spoke up.   
  
"So, I was thinking about inviting you and Sydney to dinner next Friday."  
  
"At your house?" Will replied, somewhat aghast, through a mouthful of his sandwich. Will was taken aback not only by Vaughn's idea, but by the way in which he proposed it. The way he said it, it sounded like Sydney was an old friend who came over every few weeks to have drinks and watch a hockey game with Vaughn and his wife. An old friend she might be, but Sydney had never even met Michelle, much less sat through an entire meal with her.  
  
"Yeah. Is it a bad idea?"   
  
"No, no... it's just... why?"  
  
"I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm keeping this big secret from Sydney. We can't be friends if we both feel like I'm hiding something."  
  
"You're friends already," Will replied.  
  
"No we're not. Not really. Sure were polite and friendly when we're around each other, but..." he trailed off.  
  
"What?" asked Will.  
  
"It's just... before Sydney and I were together... we were friends. We trusted each other. She doesn't even know me anymore."   
  
"And Michelle's okay with this?" As kind and generous as Michelle was, it was hard for Will to imagine anyone in her position being comfortable with Sydney coming over for dinner.   
  
"At first she tried to talk me out of it. I was going to invite you two to come over this weekend, but she kept telling me it was a bad idea. I don't know why she changed her mind, but finally she said it was alright, but it had to be next week."  
  
Will nodded and finished his sandwich.   
  
After a few moments, Vaughn added something. "So do you think you could talk Sydney into coming?"  
  
***************************  
  
  
  
Indeed, Will had been able to talk Sydney into coming, but barely. As he stood on the front stoop of the Vaughns' quaint house, he wondered if he had done the right thing.   
  
Since the day Sydney and Will had sneaked into her old apartment and Sydney had proceeded to break down crying on the front lawn, Sydney had been doing remarkably well. That same week she began the tests she would have to pass in order to get back into the field. She underwent several psychological evaluations, and had to prove herself all over again in everything from marksmanship to self defense to her ability to speak fluent Russian. Everyone seemed surprised that she was still as accurate with a gun and that she hadn't forgotten a word of Russian. But Sydney wasn't surprised at all. As she reminded Will time and time again, in her mind, it had only been a matter of days since she had last used these skills.  
  
For two and a half months now she had been going on missions - usually with Dixon, occasionally with both Dixon and Vaughn. For Sydney, the missions seemed to have picked up right where they had left off. The objective of most missions was still to find Sloane or Irina, or at least gain intelligence on their whereabouts. But for Sydney there was added motivation. Wherever Sloane and Irina were, so was a little baby girl she wanted more than anything to hold. Every couple of weeks the CIA received an e-mail which appeared to be from Irina Derevko. Each contained the same thing: a high resolution digital picture of a baby girl and a date underneath the photograph. Sydney stuck each picture on the wall in her bedroom. Once, Will had told her how proud he was of her for handling this situation so well. For not becoming depressed, even though it would have been entirely understandable if she had. She gave him a half-smile and replied, "I guess I just figure that the more miserable I am, the longer it will take me to do my job and to find her."  
  
Even the added stress of weekly regression therapy session with Dr. Kerr hadn't caused Sydney to sink back into depression, although she still hadn't been able to remember anything. Sometimes Will would accompany Sydney when she went to be hypnotized; by this point Sydney had stopped screaming at the flashes of memories in her brain, but she still jerked her head rapidly back and forth, trying to take it all in. After every session, Dr. Kerr would look at her, smile warmly, and say, "I think we're getting close. We just need something to jog your memory. Maybe next time."  
  
Sydney was healthy and as happy as she could be under the circumstances. But as he stood there at the entrance to Vaughn's home, he feared that meeting the woman who had "stolen" Vaughn might be the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Had he made the right decision in encouraging Sydney to undergo what would no doubt be a stressful experience?  
  
Before he had time to change his mind, he found himself knocking on the door. Almost instantly, as if he had been standing on the other side waiting, Vaughn opened it.  
  
He had clearly gone through a lot of trouble to make tonight perfect, Will thought, as Vaughn led them into the living room. Candles were burning and the house smelled like freshly baked brownies. Cheese and crackers were on the glass table in the center of the furniture arrangement in the living room. Soft jazz music was playing. Only one thing was missing. Michelle.  
  
"Go ahead and have a seat," Vaughn said, gesturing towards the green couch. "Michelle actually ran out a few minutes ago to get some coffee for after dinner. She should be back any second."   
  
He stopped talking. Awkward pause number one, Will thought to himself.   
  
"Drinks," Vaughn said, clearly relieved the prolonged pause had ended. "I'll go get some wine. Help yourself to the food," he said as he disappeared into the kitchen.   
  
Will sat across from Sydney. She was still fidgeting as she gazed around the room. She said nothing, but Will could tell what she was thinking as she eyed the antique furniture, shiny silver serving platters, the arrangement of picture frames on the mantel.  
  
--This was supposed to be mine--  
  
Suddenly she stood up, and for a moment Will thought she was going to dash out of the house. Instead, she only walked to the mantel to get a better view of the pictures. Will stood next to her.  
  
"That's her?" Sydney whispered, even though she must have known the answer. It was their wedding picture.   
  
Sydney stared at the photo, moving her face much closer to the picture and studying Michelle's face. Suddenly, her mouth dropped open and she gasped quietly.   
  
"What is it, Syd?"  
  
"I - I've seen her before."  
  
Will was confused. "Uhh, I don't think so Syd. You couldn't have - "  
  
"No... no, I know that face. I - "  
  
"Sydney, she didn't even move to L.A. until after you disappeared..."   
  
"Will," Sydney breathed, her voice slightly shaky. She reached out and grabbed the arm of the sofa to support herself. She put her hand on her forehead, her face was squished up into the same expression he had once seen on a woman on an airplane who had a panic attack. Her knuckles were white, her breathing erratic and rapid - the antithesis of her calm, controlled breaths earlier that evening.   
  
As Will watched her, he saw his fears being confirmed. She had seen the picture of the wedding and now she was breaking down. She had progressed so far in the past three months, and suddenly she was as miserable as she had been 24 hours after returning home. But there was one thing different about this break down.  
  
There were no tears.   
  
"Sydney," he said softly as he put his arm around her. Her body was completely rigid. "Sydney, are you ok?" he asked, beginning to worry that this was more than just a run-of-the-mill break down.   
  
She moved her hands so that she had four fingers on each temple. Her eyes were still shut tightly, and it looked as if she were trying to crush her skull between her shiny fingernails.   
  
"Syd!" Vaughn exclaimed as he walked into the room carrying three glasses of wine. He hurriedly placed them on the table, sloshing some onto the glass.  
  
"What's wrong?" Vaughn asked.  
  
"I don't know... she just started tensing up and..." Will didn't know what to do. He had never seen her like this. He was beginning to panic when she started calming down.  
  
Within a minute her breathing was returning to normal and her body was loosening up. When she finally stood up straight again, she ran her fingers through her hair, took a deep breath, and finally opened her eyes.   
  
"Will," she began. "We need to go see Dr. Kerr."  
  
Will looked bewildered as Sydney collected her purse and made her way towards the door. He followed her, still not quite sure what was going on.   
  
He ran ahead of her and blocked the exit. Whatever was going on he wanted to understand it before he let Sydney leave after having what appeared to be a significant break down.  
  
"Will. I need to see Dr. Kerr. Now." She must have sensed he was still confused because she walked closer, looked him straight in the eyes, and said in a very soft voice, almost a whisper, "I can remember now."  
  
_________________________  
  
First of all, I am SO sorry about the delay. I was out of town for a very long time, and then when I got home fanfiction.net wasn't working. Anyway, I apologize.  
  
As usual I thank you profusely for reading and reviewing. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! 


	9. The Fragment

A Fragment  
  
__________________________  
  
Dr. Kerr met Sydney and Will as soon as they got off the elevator. Will could tell that Kendall had paged her while she was in the middle of a nice dinner; he had never seen her wearing a sleeveless black dress and pearls during a regular work day. She said nothing, she just led them briskly to her office, the combination of her high heels and Sydney's making quite a racket on the linoleum.   
  
"Agent Bristow," Dr. Kerr began as she gestured toward the dark red couch in her office. Sydney and Will took a seat. "I heard a rumor that you have regained some of your memory. True?"  
  
Sydney nodded, the half-smile and calm visage she had had since the moment they left Vaughn's house were still there. Dr. Kerr sat down behind her desk, leaned forward and folded her hands on her desk.   
  
"How did it feel?" asked Dr. Kerr, sounding genuinely interested.  
  
"It was the weirdest feeling... all those flashes of memories they just..." Sydney trailed off. It was easy to see that she couldn't find the words to explain it.  
  
"A patient of mine once told me it was as if they had been juggling the pieces of a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle for months, never getting a break, and all of a sudden the pieces just snap together in the air and all the juggling is over."  
  
Sydney smiled and nodded.   
  
"Well, let me tell you what's next. In the same way that you don't remember every moment of your life, you won't remember every moment of your absence, either. You'll remember significant fragments: the moments that were so good or bad or different or exciting that they make enough impression on you to remember them. Kendall has asked me to go through as many fragments as possible, but we can't do it all tonight. We're going to start with one fragment tonight, and over the next few days we'll see what else we can get. Any questions?"  
  
Sydney shook her head.   
  
"Actually, I have one," said Will.  
  
"If you're okay Sydney, why don't you go in the next room and have Miss Clark get you set up while I talk to Mr. Tippin. Just to save some time."  
  
"Ok," Sydney said. She stood up and left through the door that connected Dr. Kerr's small office to the room where the hypnosis was preformed.   
  
"You had a question?"  
  
"It's not a big deal, I was just curious, what makes something jog someone's memory?"  
  
She gave small chuckle. "If only we knew. It varies from person to person. All we know is that it has to be something - or someone - who is a part of in the suppressed memories. But it's more than that. It has to be something that is linked to the memory and only to the memory..."  
  
"That's why pictures of Sloane or her mother wouldn't trigger her memory? She knew them from before?" asked Will.  
  
"Exactly. Even if she had seen a picture of one of them tonight - when apparently enough time has passed that she can begin to remember - it wouldn't have mattered. It has to be someone she knows only from her experience who made a strong impression on her." Dr. Kerr took a breath. "Why do you ask?"   
  
"I was just confused. What Sydney saw, it couldn't have been there... it's impossible."  
  
"What was it that jogged her memory?"  
  
"We went to Agent Vaughn's house for dinner. She was looking at the pictures and all of a sudden she went completely rigid and -"  
  
"Who was in the picture?" asked Dr. Kerr.  
  
"It's impossible. It was a picture of Michelle Vaughn - his wife."  
  
Dr. Kerr raised her eyebrows. "His wife?" she asked.   
  
"Could it have just been someone who looked like Michelle that Sydney was remembering?" Will suggested.  
  
She took a long, deep breath. "Whatever she saw in that picture had to be something that was strongly ingrained in her memory in order for it to trigger suppressed memories. If there were any doubt, it wouldn't have triggered her memory."  
  
"Then how does Sydney remember Michelle Vaughn?"   
  
Dr. Kerr stood up and grabbed the yellow notepad and a blue, plastic pen off of her desk. "I have no idea, but it should be very interesting to find out."   
  
With that she slipped through the door and into the side room. Will stood up to follow, completely bewildered. He had been so sure that Dr. Kerr would tell him that Sydney's memory was unreliable, or that it wasn't really the picture that jogged her memory. He was sure that Dr. Kerr would be able to provide him with some explanation, anything that could clarify why a picture of Michelle in her wedding dress, hand in hand with Vaughn, had opened up the floodgates to two years worth of memories. There was absolutely no way Michelle Vaughn could be linked to Sydney's absence. No way. No. Possible. Way.  
  
He stood in a room which he had gotten to know very well over the past three months. It adjoined the room where Dr. Kerr and Sydney now sat. Will leaned against the glass and watched her. He didn't know if he should be happy that she had regained her memory, or crushed at what he was hearing.   
  
"Where are you Sydney?" Dr. Kerr asked.  
  
Sydney was sitting with her eyes closed, her jaw clenched, and her hands firmly gripping the armrests. "I can't tell. I can't see anything."  
  
"Can you hear?"   
  
"Yes. It's a heart monitor. There are some voices. I can't tell what they're saying."  
  
"What does it feel like?"  
  
"I'm cold. I'm lying down... on a bed or something. I can feel an IV in my arm. Everything is hazy. I... I don't think I have enough energy to move. Everything seems so muffled."  
  
"It must be the sedatives. Is it getting clearer?"  
  
"Yeah, I think. I just opened my eyes."  
  
"Okay Sydney. I want you to tell me everything you see."  
  
"It's a dark room, it looks like a basement. There are cement walls and all sorts of medical equipment and..."  
  
"What is it Sydney?"  
  
"Sloane is there."  
  
"Does he see that you're looking at him?" asked Dr. Kerr. She wrote feverishly on her yellow pad of paper.   
  
"No, he isn't looking at me. He's talking to someone."  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
"I can't see her face."   
  
"Describe her to me."  
  
Sydney paused. "Average height. She has dark, curly hair."  
  
Lot's of women have dark, curly hair, Will told himself, as he listened to Sydney from the other side of the glass. That doesn't mean it's Michelle.  
  
"Alright Sydney, what are they saying?"   
  
If Will hadn't undergone regression therapy once himself, he wouldn't have believed Dr. Kerr expected Sydney to remember a conversation she heard sometime in the last two years while she happened to be hooked up to an IV of sedatives. But he remembered his experience all too well. Once they hypnotize you, you can see, hear, and read things you didn't even realize were there while you were actually living in the moment.   
  
"Sloane's talking. He's saying that he and Irina have total faith in her ability to accomplish the objectives of this mission. Now he's asking if she has any final questions?"  
  
"Sydney, feel free to use his exact words, you can talk in the first-person if you want to," Dr. Kerr said.  
  
"Alright. The woman is talking now. She's saying, 'I actually have just one. If you want me to keep him out of your way, once the first objective is achieved wouldn't it be easier to kill him?' Sloane's nodding. Now he's speaking again. He's saying, 'Yes, yes it would be. If we could just do that, the other objective wouldn't even be important. In fact, if it had been my decision...' Now someone is interrupting him." Sydney gasped.  
  
"It's alright Sydney, you're doing great. Who's there now?"   
  
"It's my mother. She's walking into the room and talking. 'You are not to kill him. Under any circumstances. If I find out that you did, you will answer to me.' Now Sloane is talking again. He's saying, 'I guess she made herself clear.' He has that awful grin on his face that makes by blood curl. The woman is talking again. She's saying, 'Well, then. I'm ready.' My mother just said there was one last thing and the woman asked what it was."  
  
Sydney suddenly stopped talking and bit her bottom lip.  
  
"Sydney? What did your mother say?"  
  
"She told the woman not to fall in love with him." Irina would be able to give advice in this area, Will thought to himself.   
  
Dr. Kerr continued, "And you still can't see the woman's face?"  
  
"Just her back. Oh, no!"  
  
"What?" asked Dr. Kerr.  
  
"Sloane - he saw me watching him." Her breathing sped up and for the first time since they had sped away from Vaughn's house her face was not calm.  
  
"It's ok, Sydney. Remember, you're perfectly safe. Nothing can happen to you. Just tell me what you see."  
  
"He just yelled 'doctor' and gestured toward me, the woman turned around and - "  
  
"And?"  
  
Sydney's eyes burst open. She took a couple of shallow breaths. "She turned around."  
  
"Who turned around? The woman?"  
  
"It was her. It was the one in the picture. It was Michelle."   
  
Will had been sure there was no possible way that Michelle was a spy. He was also sure that even if Sydney had said that Michelle was there - in the cold, damp, concrete basement - that he wouldn't believe Sydney. It wasn't that he expected her to lie on purpose, but maybe a subconscious part of her would want so badly for Michelle to leave that she might *think* she remembered her. He had been sure he wouldn't believe Sydney. But as soon as she said it, as soon as the rock had plummeted into his stomach and he had regained his ability to breathe, it all made sense. Everything he had ever wondered about Michelle... it all made sense.  
  
***************  
  
Here was Michelle's story, the one she told Vaughn, and Will, and everyone else who asked. Michelle grew up in Topeka, Kansas. Her parents divorced when she was four, and she grew up with her mother and older sister, Karen, once her dad moved to Florida. A few years ago, Karen married to a wealthy lawyer in Topeka. Their mother could not have been more proud. One of her little girls had done the sensible thing: married young and married well. The other was working at T.G.I. Friday's to pay for nursing school. Her mother urged her to be like her sister, to meet some of Karen's husbands friends. But Michelle was persistent, she wanted to help people and take care of them when they couldn't take care of themselves. One day, soon after Michelle graduated, she was sitting at her kitchen table in her small, grimy apartment, eating a TV dinner out of its plastic carton when it occurred to her. Currently she had very few friends about whom she really cared, a mother who loved Karen more, a sister who was too busy cooking gourmet meals for her perfect husband to talk to her, and a grimy, closet-sized apartment. She could leave Topeka, still have the sister who doesn't care, the lack of friends, and all the rest of it, but also have a new chance and new scenery. One month later, she moved into another grimy, closet-sized apartment. But this one was in Los Angeles. She had been working at the hospital in L.A. for exactly two days when Michael Vaughn wound up there as a result of a gunshot wound.   
  
It was the perfect story. She had just moved to L.A.- that explained why the only friends she had at her wedding were a few nurses. She hated her father for abandoning her - that explained why no one walked her down the aisle. Her sister did nothing except obsess over her rich lawyer husband - that explained why her sister flew in only for the wedding and didn't stay for the reception. Her mother thought she was a disappointment - that explained why, when her mother found out Michelle wasn't marrying a rich lawyer, or even a doctor, her mother took the same flights in and out of L.A. as Karen did. Michelle wanted to be a nurse so badly that she gave up her family to be one, she loved caring for people - that explained why she was so patient with Vaughn, why she was always a shoulder to cry on, why she never made any demands for herself except begging him to leave the CIA in order to save himself from the constant reminders of Sydney.   
  
It was a great story. But it hit Will just then that that was exactly what Michelle was - a story. On occasion, Will had asked himself how anyone could be so patient. How could anyone see through the icy exterior Vaughn had put on after Sydney's disappearance and find the person inside? How could anyone start dating someone who was in that kind of a place? How come it never bothered her that he mumbled Sydney's name in his sleep and daydreamed about her while he and Michelle were eating dinner? And now Will knew how.   
  
********************  
  
  
  
Will turned around with his eyes shut and leaned his head against the window. He put his hands over his face and took a deep breath. He couldn't believe it, but at the same time, he knew it was true. The entire time that they had believed Sydney to be dead, there had been someone sleeping in Vaughn's bed who knew exactly where she was. He wanted to hate Michelle. But every time her face popped into his head, he imagined the giggling, curly-haired nurse who saved one of his best friends from complete depression. He could hardly believe that this same woman had suggested, mere days before meeting Vaughn, that it would be much easier to kill him than to get him to marry her.   
  
Will knew he had to open his eyes. Sydney was still talking to Dr. Kerr, so he needed to compose himself for when she came out. He opened his eyes and was shocked to see that he was not alone.  
  
Vaughn was sitting on the couch. He hadn't even heard him come in. The look on his face was exactly the same look Vaughn had a few days earlier when they had eaten lunch together in the CIA cafeteria. The look that Will had finally decided could be perfectly described as 'distressed: extremely upset, anxious, or unhappy.' This was just one more beating for Vaughn, another punch from a faceless bully who had begun torturing Vaughn when his father died and just never seemed to relent.   
  
"Did you, uh...did you..." Will began.  
  
"Hear that? Yeah. I heard," Vaughn replied.  
  
"I'm sure Sydney could have made a mistake," Will was lying to himself and to Vaughn, and Vaughn knew it.  
  
Vaughn shook his head. "No mistake. When you guys left, I ran upstairs to grab my keys. This was on the bed." He handed Will an envelope.  
  
Will looked behind him, and when he saw that Sydney and Dr. Kerr were in the midst of a discussion and that Dr. Kerr was still burning a hole in her paper with her pen, he opened the envelope and read the letter.   
  
'Dear Michael,   
  
I should have done this as soon as she came back. I should have disappeared the second that you told me Sydney was home. It was selfish of me to stay. I don't know if I'm going back to where I am supposed to go or if I'll just go hide. Either way, I won't be back. I shouldn't be telling you any of this, of course. I should have just told you I was running to the store and never come home. You would've thought I left you because of Sydney, and you would have been right, but for all the wrong reasons. What I'm about to tell you, I'm telling you because I broke the number one rule. I fell in love.   
  
As I am sure you have surmised by this point, I am not really Michelle. Who I am, or who I was, is not really of importance. Whoever I used to be was hired by Arvin Sloane and Irina Derevko to accomplish two objectives. The first one was to seduce you, marry you, and convince you to leave the CIA. You were getting too close to finding Sydney and it was making them nervous. The second objective of my mission was accomplished, too. I won't go into it in detail, except to say this - Sydney's baby is your baby, too.   
  
I know that you must hate Irina Derevko, but let me say this in her defense. It was she who demanded that I not kill you. She also was the one who made Sloane wait because she wanted the baby to belong to you and to Sydney. Whatever her motives are, she seems to work for Sydney in whatever strange and twisted ways she can.   
  
The few months that I spent as Mrs. Michael Vaughn were without a doubt the best of my life, even though I know they weren't the best of yours. I have a feeling, though, that the best months of your life are still to come. I will never forget you, but I hope with my whole heart that you can forget me.   
  
- Michelle'  
  
  
  
Will folded up the note and put it back in the envelope. He looked up at Vaughn. Vaughn was leaning back on the couch, his arms resting at his sides. Tears were falling down his cheeks. The strange thing was, Will really wasn't sure if they were tears of sadness or tears of joy.   
  
_______________________  
  
Okay, I hope that made sense. Thank you so much for reviewing the last chapter and for reading this one. I hope you enjoyed it, and as always, I am immensely grateful for reviews. 


	10. Second Best

Second Best  
  
"Sydney," Will said as he opened the door to the room in his house in which Sydney had lived for the past four months. Sydney was facing the opposite wall, staring at the pictures of the baby daughter she had never met. "He's here." It almost hurt Will to say the words, but he said them anyway. He had to. He couldn't be jealous or unhappy when Sydney was so excited.   
  
She looked back at him and smiled - the kind of smile she gives when she's trying to contain her excitement, but can't quite do it and accidentally lets some of it sneak out through the corners of her mouth. "I'll be right there," she replied, as she removed one of the framed pictures from the wall and placed it on the top of the clothes in her navy suitcase.   
  
Despite the fact that it had been over a month since the CIA had received any information about the whereabouts of Sloane or Irina, the pictures of Sydney and Vaughn's baby girl kept coming. At least one every week, sometimes more. And Sydney kept on framing them and arranging them chronologically on the wall in Will's house. Even if Will hadn't known who this baby's parents were, he would have been able to figure it out. At about six months old - they couldn't be sure when she was born - you could already see a miniature version of Sydney's nose and Vaughn's striking green eyes.  
  
In the two months since Michelle Vaughn had left, the CIA hadn't found so much as a shred of information about her whereabouts, either. She, like so many others in her line of work, had likely completed her assignment and sunk back into the depths of the world of espionage. Or perhaps she had met a different fate. Maybe Sloane had discovered what she had told Vaughn in her apology letter, or maybe she had tried to escape the life into which she had fallen only to discover too late that it's never possible. Either way, Will didn't want to think about it. He wouldn't have wanted the Michelle he had known to be involved with the likes of Sloane and he certainly wouldn't have wished death upon her. It had taken Will more than a few hours of talking to Dr. Barnett since Michelle left over a month ago to realize that it was okay for him to separate Michelle from the spy she had revealed herself to be. Michelle was cute and sweet and funny and now Michelle was gone. That was all that mattered to Will.   
  
Vaughn had handled Michelle's betrayal far better than many people had expected. But Will knew exactly why it wasn't as devastating as it could have been... Vaughn knew Sydney was waiting for him.   
  
***************  
  
A little over a month earlier, Will had attended a party for Marshall and Carrie's first anniversary. Noticing Vaughn sitting alone, Will had gone over to him to talk. What they would talk about, Will wasn't sure. In the couple of weeks since she had left, Vaughn had barely mentioned Michelle. Either way, Will could imagine that sitting at a friend's first anniversary party was probably not the best feeling when your marriage ended so abruptly well before the one year mark.   
  
Will took the seat next to Vaughn. "How's it going?"   
  
"I've been better," Vaughn replied, staring off into space.   
  
Will let the silence hang in the air for a few moments. "I know this probably isn't the best time, but you know if you ever need to talk..."  
  
"Yeah...," Vaughn said, nodding. The silence returned. Just as Will was debating whether or not to give up on his friend at the present time and go talk to someone who would reciprocate, Vaughn spoke up.   
  
"I was thinking...about...Michelle... and I was wondering. What if this whole thing happened for a reason?" He was still staring off blankly.  
  
"You mean Michelle leaving?"  
  
"No, I mean, the whole thing. What if it's just part of a plan."  
  
"What? Like a plan from God?" Will asked. Will wasn't used to this kind of philosophy from Vaughn.  
  
But Vaughn laughed at Will's question and shook his head. "More along the lines of Irina. What if Michelle was right?"   
  
Then Will understood. Michelle's farewell note had included a paragraph asking Vaughn not to be so quick to hate Irina Derevko.   
  
"I don't know," Vaughn continued, "but after everything that's happened... it just seems like there had to be some kind of a plan, something that we can't see yet."   
  
For some reason, at that moment Will looked in the same direction that Vaughn had been staring for the whole conversation. He should have known. Vaughn hadn't been staring into space at all. Sitting across the room in Vaughn's line of vision was Sydney, talking to Dixon and laughing.   
  
*************  
  
  
  
"She's coming," Will said as he walked back into the living room where Vaughn was pacing on the wooden floor. "It looks like you're going to make it to Santa Barbara this time."  
  
Vaughn smiled. "Maybe, but let's not jinx it." He stood there for a moment before rushing over to the coffee table and knocking on it. "Knock on wood...you know...just to be safe."   
  
"Can I get you anything?" Will asked, smiling.  
  
"No...we should be out of here soon." Even now, just moments before it became reality, it hadn't really hit Will. Even though Sydney had been leaving for short periods of time for more than four months now, this wasn't the same. Those were all missions. She had gone away to work, to try and save the world from Arvin Sloane. This time Sydney was leaving Will and the house she had been living in for months to go on vacation with Vaughn. He had seen it progressing, it had started again with Vaughn not being able to take his eyes off of her at Marshall's party and escalated to this - Vaughn waiting to steal Sydney away from him.   
  
Seconds later Sydney walked into the living room, carrying her bag. She stopped when she entered the room and looked at Vaughn. He put his hand out and she walked over, her arm outstretched, to take it.   
  
"Hey," she said, still wearing the same smile she had been moments earlier.  
  
"Hey," Vaughn replied. They both started giggling. Actually giggling. Right there, in the middle of the living room, with Will standing right there. They were their own perfect little planet and Will was a satellite orbiting around them but never being part of their happy world. "Are you ready?" Vaughn finally managed to ask.   
  
But before she could respond, Vaughn's cell phone rang. "I'm just going to ignore that," he declared. "Do you hear a phone ringing?"  
  
"No. What phone?" Sydney replied, giggling again. After three rings, it stopped. Sydney's cell phone was next. It, too, stopped ringing after three rings. Then Will's cell phone was ringing. He, however, was not leaving for a vacation in five minutes, so he felt like he should answer.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Mr. Tippin, this is Director Kendall."  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Are Agents Bristow and Vaughn at your house and if not do you know where they might be?"  
  
"They, uh, they left about an hour ago for Santa Barbara," Will fibbed.  
  
"I tried both of their cell phones."  
  
"Well, maybe there's no reception where they are right now." Vaughn and Sydney were laughing quietly at Will's white lies, and Will was pinching himself to keep from doing the same.  
  
"How do you suggest I contact them?" Kendall asked.  
  
"They're supposed to call me later this evening, I can let them know you ---"  
  
"Mr. Tippin," Kendall cut in, "I don't know what you think this is about, but I need to speak with Agent Vaughn as soon as possible. We've been contacted be Michelle."  
  
Suddenly, Will didn't have to pinch himself to stop the laughter. "What?" Sydney's and Vaughn's expressions suddenly morphed from smiles into looks of concern.   
  
"She claims that she is interested in being a double agent for the CIA, but she'll only talk to Agent Vaughn or, oddly enough, to you. Since you sound somewhat distracted, I'm not sure if you understand the importance of this -"   
  
"No, no, I understand completely," Will said.  
  
"Well then I'm sure you would agree that Agent Vaughn would like to hear about this?"  
  
"Absolutely. I'll have him call you as soon as he calls me. I'll come by the office later."  
  
"Not later. Now. Good day, Mr. Tippin."  
  
Will stood aghast, holding his cell phone in one hand and running his other hand absent-mindedly through his hair.   
  
"Will? What is it?" Sydney asked.  
  
"It, uh, it was Kendall."  
  
"Did they hear something about the baby?"  
  
"I dunno. They just said that..." he trailed off.   
  
"What?" Vaughn said.  
  
"Michelle contacted the CIA."  
  
"What? Why?" Sydney asked.  
  
"She wants to be a double agent," replied Will.  
  
After the obligatory stunned silence, Sydney spoke up. "So, I guess we're never going to make it to Santa Barbara."  
  
"Why not?" asked Vaughn.  
  
"Well I'm sure they need us in the office," Sydney explained.  
  
"They can live without us for two days," he said.  
  
"But Vaughn..."   
  
"No, Syd. It makes sense. It's just part of her plan."  
  
"Who's plan?" Sydney asked, bewildered.  
  
"Your mother's plan."  
  
Sydney shook her head. "What plan?"  
  
And it was then that Will understood what he had written off as the ramblings of a grieving man a month before at Marshall's party. He understood what Vaughn had meant by saying that maybe Michelle was just part of 'the plan.' Will caught a glimpse of what could happen, what just might happen, in the next few months.   
  
Michelle might have gone back to Sloane and Irina and she might become a double agent. She might help the CIA find them, and by finding them, find the baby. She might end up sacrificing herself in order to do this, but now that Will could see this all playing out, he thought of something else Michelle had said in her letter: "I have a feeling that the best months of your life are still to come." Michelle might return Sydney and Vaughn's baby and at the same time reveal Sloane's location. And Irina might pretend to be aghast at this betrayal. But Irina knew how it worked. Irina knew exactly the way that Michelle felt for Vaughn because it was the same way that Laura Bristow felt for Jack. Irina knew what lengths Michelle might go to for Vaughn. Irina might pretend to be aghast, but Irina might have achieved her goal.  
  
Or maybe not. But now Will could see exactly what Vaughn had meant. Maybe it was all a plan.  
  
"What plan, Vaughn?" Sydney asked again.   
  
"You guys should get going," Will said, moving towards the door.  
  
"You'll call us if you hear anything?" Vaughn asked?  
  
"Of course. Give me call when you get there."  
  
"Vaughn?" Sydney said, remaining in the same place. "What's going on?"  
  
Will walked over to her and gave her a hug. He said what he had been preparing himself to say for what seemed like years but what was only a few days. "Have a great weekend, Sydney."  
  
With an expression of complete confusion still on her face, she nodded. "Thanks," she said softly, "I will." With that, Sydney walked to the door where Vaughn stood and took his hand.   
  
***************  
  
About five years earlier, Will, Sydney, and Danny had gone to Disneyland together. Will was the third wheel, as usual, but that in and of itself didn't bother him. What did bother him was being with Sydney, but knowing at the same time that she wasn't there to be with him. He knew he shouldn't feel that way, after all, these were his best friends who were happy and in love, but it was still a little painful to see the Sydney with someone else.  
  
He sat alone in the back seat of Danny's Corolla and the three of them cruised along the highway, listening to the radio and enjoying the conversation.   
  
"I love this song!" Sydney exclaimed when Vertical Horizon's "Everything You Want" began to play. She turned the volume up.   
  
Will had heard this song far too many times. It was another one of those songs that's not bad the first 50 times they play it on the radio, but after that it starts to get a little bit annoying. But there was something different about it this time. Will actually listened to the words.  
  
I am everything you want   
  
I am everything you need   
  
I am everything inside of you  
  
That you wish you could be  
  
I say all the right things  
  
At exactly the right time  
  
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why  
  
And I don't know why  
  
And even though Will joined in as Danny teased Sydney for her taste in music and he smiled and pretended to be nothing but perfectly happy, he couldn't help but think he knew exactly how the singer felt.  
  
**************  
  
Will couldn't remember when he fell in love with Sydney. It seemed like a constant state of being since the time he met her. The thing was, she had never felt the same way. He chalked it up to timing. The timing was always off, and for that reason Sydney never had the chance to decide if she could have those feelings for Will. Will just figured that if he waited long enough, the timing would work out, Sydney would decide she did feel something more than friendship for Will, and he and Sydney would end up happily ever after.   
  
But as Will stood in the doorway of his house and watched Vaughn's car disappearing around the corner at the end of his street, he knew for the first time that Sydney had made her decision and she hadn't chosen him. She had had five months with Will, and at the end of that time, she didn't choose him. And once again he remembered the song he had heard in the backseat of Danny's car five years ago in what seemed like another life. In some ways, that situation was the same as this one. Sydney is in love with his best friend. He should be happy for both of them, but there is that familiar pang of jealousy.   
  
Will closed the door behind him and walked into his house, which was uncomfortably empty. Noticing Sydney's CD collection on the coffee table as he collapsed onto the couch, he picked up the book and flipped through it. Sure enough, there was the Vertical Horizon CD. He put it in and skipped to number three. As the familiar tune began to play, he sat down on the couch and put his face in his hands.  
  
I am everything you want   
  
I am everything you need   
  
I am everything inside of you  
  
That you wish you could be  
  
What could Sydney want that Will didn't offer? He was perfect for her. He knew her better than anyone. He could connect her to her old life and to her new life. He was exactly what she needed.  
  
  
  
I say all the right things  
  
At exactly the right time  
  
All Will had done for the past five months was to help Sydney. He was there for her 24 hours a day. When Vaughn had been at home in bed with his wife, Sydney had been crying into Will's chest. When Vaughn had been drinking coffee and reading the newspaper with Michelle, Will had sneaked into Sydney's former apartment with her and then held her as she broke down on the front lawn. He had said everything she needed to here and he had meant every single word of it.   
  
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why  
  
And I don't know why  
  
Sydney had made her choice. Whatever it was that she needed, Will wasn't it.   
  
It would have been so easy for Will to be angry with Sydney, or at least to regret spending so much of his time worrying about her and taking care of her and being in love with her. But he wasn't angry, and he didn't regret a single second of it. If he had made the last five months even a little bit easier for her, and he definitely had, then all the effort had been more than worth it.  
  
The night Sydney had come home, Will had sat in the bed at the safe house with her and comforted her about Vaughn's wife.  
  
"She's great. She's funny and smart and kind... but she can't be you. She's not you, Sydney," he had told her. "I don't have any idea what's going to happen, but I am 100% sure that this is true: no matter what, she will always be second best."  
  
It wasn't until that very moment, as Will sat alone in his house, with his face in his hands, listening to a Vertical Horizon song he hadn't heard in years, that Will realized that he could have been talking about himself.   
  
After all, no matter how much Sydney cared for him, she had chosen Vaughn. No matter what, Will would always be second best.   
  
With that, Will turned off the CD player, grabbed his keys, and headed off to work.   
  
______________________________________________  
  
Okay, wow, I am done. Finally. Yay! I hope this wasn't too much info in one chapter, but I wanted it to end before we learn too much about next season and it becomes completely irrelevant. Anyway, I am glad that I actually finished this and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it. As I told you before, this is the first story I have ever written that is more than one chapter, and I was really nervous about how it would turn out. Any feedback you guys have is, as usual, greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for all your reviews and for sticking with me! Enjoy season three!!!!  
  
p.s. - I did my whole 'no, I don't own Alias thing' at the beginning of chapter 1, but I should probably add that I don't own 'Everything You Want' or, obviously, Vertical Horizon. 


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